Life of A simple Gal

It Ain't Easy...

2012-01-27T10:40:00.001-06:00

The title of what used to be one of my fave Tupac songs is a wonderful representation of how I feel about life right about now. [By the way, did I ever tell you I used to be a big Tupac fans...okay so I started because I was copying my big bro, and then I started relating to some of the lyrics...what can I say, I was an interesting teenager on the DL. Okay end Side note].

I'm back to the craziness, and man has the time been flying! This unit is the craziest one so far...who knew those little kidneys could cause so much craziness and hold such a wealth of information? Add in the fact that I have my microbiology (truly the devil's own subject) shelf exams 2 days after my unit exam, and I'm just weak. Na who send me??!!

I just registered for my step 1 exam, so now I have a date, and I'm trying really hard not to freak myself completely. I need prayers y'all!

It hasn't been all crazy though...one of my classes has a lot of clinical experience built in, so sometimes it's good to get away from the books. i had urology yesterday, and it was quite interesting....more than I thought it woud be. Apart from an awkward moment with one patient and seeing a traumatizing manifestion of elephantiasis (it's a urology clinic, try to imagine where the swelling and edema was...this was just not right...I will tell you when next I blog), it seems like something I wouldn't mind doing.

I have the best roommate ever! I enjoy just having times when I need to relax, and she's very good at talking with me and just helping me get my mind of the craziness! Her man-crazy imagination/ways make me laugh *smh* I must tell you about this at some point. The family is more peaceful too these days, so that's good too. My support system is more awesome than ever at the moment, and I love it!

I realize I have been rambling...honestly I'm in a class that I have to been in, but I can't focus, and I dunno what's he's talking about so I decided to update =)

I should be back with some thing more organized at some future date!

Jishi nu ike my people!

It’s Been A Long Year….

2011-12-30T16:48:00.002-06:00

Ndi Blogsville, E kenem unu o!

I know it has been ages since I last blogged….I feel like I always have to start a blog post with an apology because I never seem to post anything anymore. Anyways, I know you're that awesome and you'll forgive me =)

I've been wanting to post for a while now, but I've been hindered by a lot of things…time, school, changing my mind about things I wrote, not knowing if I had the courage to post some things I wrote, etc. I've just been grateful for my journal and some choice friends when times have been especially rough with me =)

First off, I must thank Ms. Mizchief…she wrote me a very much needed e-mail when I was going through my mini crisis this summer. I so needed it, and I'm so happy she took the time out to send me just what I needed. Daalu! I guess it's true that things sometimes have to hit that absolute low point, that point at which you have nowhere left to go but upward for things to get better. I definitely experienced that. I must say, this summer was a rough one for me…and the funny thing is I wasn't even the one directly affected by most of the events. It's just that when you live in a place with no peace, and you've already under an enormous amount of emotional stress, well you begin to let things affect you a lot more that they should. I'm happy to report that my parents are WORKING on their issues…I mean everything isn't all rosy now, but it's a helluva lot better than it was this summer. I think both my parents got to that low point and had some revelations from that: my mum stood up for herself a little more, and my dad realized that he couldn't keep accusing her of not making changes; he needed to make some changes too. I'm just happy for them and happy they're trying to get through stuff together.

On the other hand, there seems to be a little bit of a gap between me and my dad now…I don't know why and I can't explain it. I guess we need to work through some things I guess. I think he's disappointed about some decisions I've made and some things he thinks I've done. I don't know why, but for the first time I'm not on tenterhooks and trying desperately to fix everything. I was really sad about it for a while, but I'm giving him his space and I know he'll bring it up because that's his nature: My dad will NEVER talk to you about anything unless HE is ready to talk about it. My going to him really won't change anything. (Ugh, this post sounds depressing already…totally not what I had in mind).

So what else has been going on? I think my dear Madame Sting has been describing a huge portion of my life quite well. Second year of med school is a killer! I swear they're trying to kill people's kids. It's like they're trying to make us regret deciding on this career path. I have questioned my sanity many times in the last few months and I've been amazed by the tremendous change in some people (not all positive either).*musing to self* Ah, if only my back plan to be a roadside tomato seller would pay for these loans I took out *sigh* I don't know how it's going to work but something has got to give…I don't appreciate working more AND failing more…o gini? E jim ha ugwo? I'm still grateful to be done with half of 2^nd year though! I'm terrified of the latter half, but I know I'll pull through somehow. I'm finally starting to prepare for the dreaded boards…y'all pray for me!

I have the hugest crush on this one boy whom I swear must know about it because he is constantly playing with my emotions. It cracks me up sometimes that he tries to act all innocent when he knows for a fact that he's up to something. I have tried to convince myself that it must be my ongoing infatuation with him that has me misinterpreting many things, but I sat and read our chats the other day (in an effort to blast myself into reality) and I'm convinced I'm not imagining things. I have been – quite successfully per my friend (and me) learning and training in the art of poker face. I must not be caught with a moony expression on my face! More coming on the story of my crushes soon.

I have become hooked on Korean Dramas! I happened to watch one series and I just became hooked. That was all I did when I wasn't shadowing this summer. It real helped me remove myself from a lot of the unnecessary drama going on in my house. I swear these people are hilarious! Is anyone else hooked? Because I need recommendations, tee-hee.

Oh well my people, I gotta run. I know this has been an extremely random post…I just felt the need to update, no matter how short it's be. I might be back with a continuation later =).

Be well, and compliments of the season!

Jishu nu Ike!

Love You Baby.

2011-06-20T22:43:00.000-05:00

Three little words. Not that important right? How much of an impact could they have? Probably not much, right? The answers to these questions are still pending.

Why are these words worth a blog post, you ask? First off, because I saw them in a text message from someone whom I know has an exceptionally hard time expressing himself emotionally -especially if it is a romantic emotion - to anyone: my dad.

Secondly, aforementioned text message was sent, NOT to my mum, but to another woman living in another country, heck another continent. Stranger still, this message was a reply to one from said lady telling him 2 numbers to contact with and a passcode. there was nothing else in her 'cryptic' text.

For the last couple of hours, I have tried to convince myself otherwise, and I've tried to come up with reasons why such an exchange was on my dad's phone. "Someone used his cell phone." "It's some relative of ours, I just don't know her." "I'm completely misreading this situation."
Try as hard as I might though, I haven't been able to satisfactorily say that my proposed answers are the right ones for my question.

Stranger still, why was my dad telling this woman where he went for the weekend and when he'd be back? He didn't even tell us that. Furthermore, who took the pictures of him smiling on the tourist boat at the place he went to this weekend.

I'll cut to the chase. I need someone to tell me that my father is not cheating on my mum. I need someone to tell me this because I don't know what I'll do if it's true. If such a thing has happened, I don't know how I'm going to hold the already fragile and destabilized pieces of myself together. And my mum's emotional and physical state it about 100x worse than mine is, so I don't even want to think about that.

We just came back - my dad and I - from the ER where I've been all day with my mum. She's really ill, and no one will tell me what's wrong with her. And everyone that called today has blamed me or accused me of standing by and watching my mum slowly die. Needless to say, it was a long silent walk home. My dad knows something is wrong with me, but he thinks it's just b/c mum is in the hospital.

This has been the worst ending to a day EVER. And the most painful thing is I can't talk to the two people I'd ordinarily talk to about it. I'm really hurt right now, and my heart it hurting, and I'm trying really hard - unsuccessfully - not to cry.

I'll stop rambling. I don't no what else to say.

Tired

2011-06-20T16:16:00.001-05:00

I must apologize first of all, been away too long and this definitely isn't how I planned to break the silence.

I feel sooo tired right now...my break so far has definitely NOT proceeded according to plan. All I've had to deal with is a whole bunch of drama; everyone seems to be avoiding/not talking to everyone else. It's so tiring.
And you know how it is when you live with your parents: you love them but they drive you crazy. I'm certainly living proof of that. My dad especially...Lord bless that man though.

Currently tired because I have been waiting in this ER for like 5 hours now, my mum is sick. And boy, is my mum a stubborn woman! Just realized that recently. That a whole post coming up just for my mama.

Also tired of nobody telling me anything. So I just found out my dad was hit by a car not too long ago and nobody told anyone. My dad barely got himself to tell my mum. Seriously?? I get more frustrated when people bring up things I wasn't told about in conversation like I should know about it. I get even more frustrated when said conversation is a lecture on things I've apparently done wrong.

I'm tired of death. I feel like one to many people I know have died within the last 2 years. It is just that the older you get, the more people you know, so the more people you know die? I can't understand it, and this was a theory I tried to use to explain it. My friend's dad died not too long ago. He was just buried on Friday, just 2 days before father's day. I was sad for her yesterday. I tried to imagine how she felt, being on Facebook, reading all those messages. I realized that it's so easy to tell someone to not think about death, to tell them to ''celebrate the life'' of their late loved one, but it really is easier said than done *heavy sigh*

I'm tired of this feeling of sadness, of unaccomplishment that seems to be afflicting almost everyone in my house. It's like a dark cloud, like in cartoons when rain falls over one house when the sun is shining everywhere else.

I'm just really tired.

Ka odi nu.

Neuroscience...

2011-04-27T10:48:00.001-05:00

...is the devil. That is all.

Dear P,

2011-04-20T23:58:00.001-05:00

I'm still in shock right now...I truly don't know what to say or think.
I didn't want to go to Facebook this night; I had just posted a YouTube video, and I was bound and determined not to go to FB, but I did. I don't know why.

I'd been wondering why you weren't my friend on FB, and I made up my mind to add you. So how come I got on FB, and my newsfeed had a message from W asking that we pray for your soul? I told myself it was a coincidence. There were many people named P after all. I sent my friend request. I was sad that another nameless, faceless person had lost her life.

So please tell me P, how is it that I came back a few minutes later and there were messages on your wall, message with words that heaven and soul, and worst of all, rest in peace? How could it be you P? I still didn't want to believe it, but when I saw the missed call from A, I knew I had to stop lying to myself.

I spoke with A, and she told what had happened; he told me how your death was all over the evening news. She told me about the sense of disbelief hanging in the atmosphere down there. People who'd just talked to you last night, people like me who'd read a funny comment you posted on FB, people who'd seen you recently. How could a life be snatched away so soon?

We weren't the best of friends, but I admired you P. You were always so calm and so friendly. You always had a big smile on your face. Whenever I was around you and B, I knew you'd have a good time.

Death is truly no respecter of persons because if he knew who you were and how important you were to some, he'd have walked away from you yesterday afternoon. He would have thought about B - you were always her rock through thick and thin; you were essential in getting her through her mom's death just last year. You were supposed to be her family at her graduation, coming up in 3 weeks. He would have thought about your mum - she'd just buried your sister not too long ago, and you'd joined her in taking responsibility for your orphaned nieces and nephews. Death would have thought about your nieces and nephews and the loss they'd feel.
Instead,He chose to take a wonderful, wonderful person like you.

I know I'm rambling right now, but I can't get over it.

Rest in the bosom of the Lord P. You will be sorely missed, even by people like me whom you inspired even from afar.

P,
"May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friend.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in."
- Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World

Adieu P, you left too soon;
Adieu P, we mourn and pray for you.

Thai Food and Gareth Gates

2011-04-17T18:05:00.002-05:00

So in the midst of my being extremely foolish and not studying like I should, I decided I was craving something different and decided to get Thai food. I’d had enough of rice so I decided to get noodles. I was feeling like a G and decided to make my food spicy.
I told the lady at the counter “Please make it very spicy!”
She responded “Hot or Extra Hot?”
I was thinking in my mind “Didn’t this woman hear very spicy? Mschew” but I actually said “Extra hot.”
She asked me again, “Extra hot?? It’s very spicy are you sure you can handle it?” By now the conversation was getting too old for me. I sha eventually got my extra hot noodles and left.

My people, biggest mistake ever! That Thai food became the cause of my pain and misery! After my mouth survived being one step away from numb…my bum took over the pain from where my mouth stopped. Don’t laugh at me now….it’s not funny that I’m here thinking about. Shebi, according to Gareth Gates:
“I know I’ve been such a fool
Giving in to temptation
When I should’ve played it cool
The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand:

It can happen to.. Anyone of us, anyone you think of; anyone can fall…’cause I made a stupid mistake”
-Anyone of Us, Gareth Gates

He sure got it right! That was a stupid mistake. And while you’re busy laughing at me, remember that it can happen to “anyone of us.” Don’t say I did not warn you o!
Seriously, if someone offers you extra hot Thai noodles, that person is most likely your enemy. Run, run far away!

Wanna know something possibly more stupid? I have leftovers. Can you tell where I’m heading with this???
Ka Odi Nu

iLove...

2011-04-02T00:13:00.000-05:00

my younger brother with all my heart. It seems that he just instinctively knows when to call and cheer me up. I was not having the best day, but just talking with my bro has made me feel so much better!

So,
even though you can be a huge pest
even though you can be ridiculously (and sometimes annoyingly) overprotective
even though you have delusions of 'thuggish behaviors'
even though you can be ridiculously stubborn
even though you are VERY weird
even though sometimes I absolutely cannot fathom you
even though you feel the need to pretend that you aren't a sensitive soul
and even though this would embarrass you a LOT if you ever got to read it,

I have to say it: I LOVE YOU bro-bro. You make me happy. You make me smile. You give me warm, fuzzy, big-sister-ly feelings.

Your sis.

P.S I really need not to blog about my brothers' antics some time. I love my bros (all 3 of them!); Now back to my TDB study session.

Ka Odi Nu

I Have

2011-04-01T13:12:00.000-05:00

A problem...I have an addiction and I don't know what to do.

I'm tired of being steeped in denial; I'm tired of justifying it; I'm tired of internalizing and finding ways to suppress my feelings of guilt.

Lately, the tightly placed covers can not hold it in anymore; they are starting to bow to the pressure. Slowly this thing is creeping out, seeping into the other well ordered aspects of my life and tainting them. My boundaries are no longer clearly defined, they have been disturbed in the worst way possibly.

My denial can longer find explanations for a complete loss of common sense; I can no longer explain jeopardizing things that should have a higher priority, things I worked hard for, for that matter.

I thought I'd gotten through this...why is my will not strong enough??! I'm so conflicted about this.

I have an addiction, and I don't know what to do.

Is it selfish then, or self-defeating that I'm too ashamed to talk about this still? I guess I need to write this out, to face myself with this truth so I can stop internalizing it and lying to myself.

I'm sorry I can't really talk about it yet. I don't have my journal right now, and this is the next best thing.

Random

2011-03-31T13:16:00.001-05:00

Hey! I was going to blog about my long-promised story of crushes, but I had this one course that I hate today, and it especially stole the joy from my soul today. I can't tell the story of my crush woes in this angry frame of mind. So instead, a short random post instead.

I finally got New York plates for Baby Cam (that's my car) yesterday. Don't hate me NY lovers, but it was a sad day for me. I love yellow and all, but why do the plates have to come in this UGLY mustard yellow color?? I miss my old tag already.

I met some Ghanian guy named Dave yesterday, and that's the 3rd Ghanian Dave/David I know. Do Ghanians just really like this name?? He was quite an interesting individual...he started out by telling me he's from Africa with this ''posh'' accent, but immediately he found out I was Nigerian, the konk accent came out. Why do people like to form sha? Then he asked me if I was scared of him (Such a tangent and I was wondering why); he said most people are scared of him. After that I just decided to exit myself from there sharp sharp.

I have a major exam coming up next week. Last chance to redeem myself and make sure I'm not repeating 1st year. Very nervous right now. Y'all pray for me!!

I don't know if it's just my class, but why in the world do some people think they're geniuses, when they really aren't?? You know what? That's the subject for a full fledged rant post coming up...I just finally managed to start lowering my bp, don't want to increase it again because of some moronic behavior.

Also, why is the weather extra strange this year? One minute is freezing, next it's ridiculously hot. I was excited, even brought out some dresses, and now it's cold again =(

i have friend who has really bad BO, but I'm not close enough to him and I don't know how to broach the subject w/o causing offense. Any suggestions?? Can't do the birthday present thing, his birthday is too far away....

Well, lemme stop rambling. I'm still in the pain-inducing class right now...I just needed to get away for a little while. Back to reality now.

Ka Odi Nu

Dear 2011

2011-03-18T11:40:00.001-05:00

You have been an interesting year, for lack of a better word. I deferred putting up a post earlier on because I was just filled with so much negativity.

2011, you started on a wrong note. I don't think I remember ever entering a new year just filled with so much anger and sadness...the worst thing about it? I couldn't explain why I was overreacting to the littlest things that in hindsight, weren't even supposed to warrant so much emotional investment.

Could it be because I was dealing with feelings of continued inferiority, like certain people had previously placed me on this pedestal, this ridiculously high place that I couldn't possibly acheive, and it seemed like they were finally beginning to see the truth?
Could it be because this holiday felt like all the joy had been sucked out of my house?? Who knows.

Anyway, as you progressed it just seemed things got worse...I was witnessing my family starting to disintegrate; the tape hastily placed over the cracks at our seams has slowly been coming off...my parents might as well be married in name only. For the first time I saw my dad have an emotional outburst related to this, and for him to say the things he said...I was amazed. I didn't know what to say, and the worst part is that I didn't know how to explain that I didn't agree with what he was saying (but that's for another post).

I lost some people that I least expected I would, I got increasly depressed, I damaged my relationship for God, and I'm fighting to get it back. I also started doing very bad in school, just because I wasn't working hard; seems like I lost all motivation and drive.

However, you have been surprising me greatly recently...it's like the whole time I was shaking my fist angrily at you, you were working hard undercover and shaking your head at my impatience and stupidity.

I've gone from failing and almost being put on an extended curriculum, to passing all but one class last unti, which just happened to be the most challenging one for me.

I didn't lose my baby cousin, even though we had such a bad scare...we thought he wouldn't live past his 1st birthday.

I've had been randomly walk up to me and pay me compliments and just generally make me feel cherished. Most importantly I've had the importance of making me happy re-impressed upon me. I've had less problems with people, and I'm not so down these days. I'm also in the fight to get right with God again =)

So, even though things aren't completely great on the home front, I'm not as worried anymore...and even though not everything is ideal, I'm not worried. Why? Because, my dear 2011, there's a good track record developing here. The most important lesson you've taught me: to grow up. You've infused some more much needed maturity in me, and you've put a little bit more resilience in me.

So even though I didn't think I would, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm happy I waited to post this. I like our path, and I hope it continue to be exactly this way, with more lessons learned.

Daalu!

P.S Forgive any blunders, typing from my phone...just needed to unburden my mind...will be back soonest =)

Mini Update

2010-11-09T23:02:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone!

Sorry I've been away for so long; Been busier than I thought I'd be....actually scratch that, because I haven't been as busy as I ought to be.

I've been reading blogs, just haven't had the energy to comment. I apologize for that.

Truth is, I've been feeling so out of it; I feel very unlike my usual self. It's like I've been in a persistent funk; I know that I have a temper, but these days seems like it's triggered much more easily. My emotions just feel so volatile!
I don't mean to sound so depressing, just been feeling that way, and it's so annoying because I can't explain what the problem is. Hope I get over this self-pity fest soon.

It's not all doom and gloom here though. On the bright side, I'm still not a roadside tomato seller...I haven't aced anything, but I'm no longer failing any classes, and I hope to keep things that way. It's weird though that I was so freaked out about Anatomy and it's turning out to be the class that I'm performing pretty well in. Just goes to show that you never know hey??

I hope to be back in full -and happy - simplegal form soon. To make up for my absence, I'll leave you with my latest ''poem'' (now that I think of it, it's kinda depressing too):

I stand before you
Looking at you
Seeing you looking at me
But I wonder if you see me;
Your forehead is puckered
With a look of concentration
But I still wonder if you see me

What face do your wear today?
I never really can tell
Are you wearing your Rose tinted glasses
That color your world, and me, in flowery shades,
Shades I don't see to be me

Or are you wearing your cracked glasses
That distort your view
magnifying my flaws,
double vision creating false copies
Of what you think be to be

I stand before you
Wondering what runs through your mind
Seeing you look at, and yet through me
Wondering how you do not see
The splintered pices oof my person

And while I watch you
Trying to figure you out
I wish that while you look through me
You would see the repeated thought,
Hear the replaying refrain of my thoughts:

Can you look,
Could you see,
Would you truly let me be?
Do you hear
Do you percieve
The true essence that is
Me?

Like I said, sorry, a bit depressing, hope to be back to happy Simplegal soon.

Ka Odi nu

P.S Forgive any grammatical blunders; tired and typing this from my phone.

Yayyyy!!!!

2010-09-20T17:37:00.000-05:00

I passed my anatomy exam! I barely made it over the pass mark, but the most important thing is that I passed =) Thanks for being so supportive y'all!

I still went ahead and got a tutor for both subjects, just to make sure I'm getting all the help I need. I also went to see both professors (well since I failed the other subject I didn't have much of a choice), and we went over the papers and made corrections, and they gave me tips for studying and improving in this current unit.
I felt a little bad though, coz the professor I was assigned to for my failing grade was my advisory dean, and I did the worst in his section (which was actually the easiest section on the test, I just made some REALLY stupid mistakes).

Anyhoos, I just stopped by really quick to update. I have to go play catch up so I can actually have genuine questions to ask my tutor, and not look like a complete DUNCE in anatomy lab tomorrow.

Ka Odi Nu

P.S I've noticed my few posts seem to be centered around school and it's stress...I gotta change this! I'll be updating soon with the story of my adorable Italian crush....

Not A Good Look...

2010-09-15T17:03:00.001-05:00

...so far. Haven't gotten all my results (anatomy). What I did get was not good. I failed :(

I had to wait to post this coz I was not having a good day yesterday. Anyways, I've cried it outta my system, and I'm trying to focus on not being weighed down by this, and doing my best to improve in this new unit. I just wish my anatomy teacher would post the grades already....

I'll be back to update fully when I get my other grade.

Jishi nu ike.

Whew!

2010-09-13T21:54:00.000-05:00

I made it through my unit 1 exam. Now if only I can get to the 70% pass mark, especially for Anatomy. Guess I'll know in a little bit.

Full update coming soon. Now gotta go sleep, crashing after one too many Red Bulls.

Ka Odi Nu.

Aargh!

2010-08-30T11:43:00.002-05:00

This day is driving me crazy! Had to endure two of the worst lectures ever this morning (I usually learn when I go to class, but I certainly will not be attending this particular professor's lecture any more!). I have gotten to the point where - like Sting said I probably would - I'm asking what I got myself into; this is just week 2, mind you. On the bright side, I haven't gotten to my ''roadside tomato seller'' point, lol.

My parents/younger brother decided to make me some kind of family mediator, and I've been having to deal with that. On top of that, the stupid, disorganized peeps at my lil bro's school seem to think I'm some stand in parent or something, and they keep blowing up my phone....urgh! So do not need that!

Sorry, just had to have a mini-venting session. I'll be back in regular form soon...okay now back to the pleura and the lungs!!

Ka Odi Nu!!

Good News!

2010-08-04T06:38:00.001-05:00

I know I owe you all my good news. I haven't been able to post because I've been busy packing.

I just moved to NY! It's wonderful being at home, being pampered, and just plain enjoying myself =) I'm still trying to adjust though. New Yorkers are a whole 'nother breed, especially for lil ole me who has lived in the south since I came to this country.

My reason for the move, and my second piece of good news: I got into med school!!! I've been slowly losing my mind, trying to get everything organized, but I've never been so happy to do so! In about two and a half weeks, yours truly can officially be called an MS I. I'll probaly be asking myself why I didn't just become a roadside tomato seller in a few weeks (like I always do when school stresses me out), but for now, I'm just happy.

So my people, pls do a celebratory dance for me today. Shout halle- with me. Share my testimony with me =). And thank you for all your support!

Okay now it's back to e-mailing, faxing, and purchasing.

Ka Odi nu.

Happiness!

2010-07-28T10:12:00.001-05:00

I know I owe you all a full rant, but I'm too happy to get into those negative emotions!

I'll be back to share my good news shortly...just got to my turn at the car shop!

You know what I cannot stand?

2010-07-07T14:34:00.001-05:00

People who don't know to stfu. i hate people who constantly feel the need to belittle other people constantly, and feel like they are better than all others. Who died and made you god?

What is even more annoying is the fact that said people in question only have perceived ''great qualities''

Seriously, if you have nothing good to say, SHUT THE HELL UP!! Mschew. This is just a mini-rant. Full rant coming soon.

Trying Out Mobile Blogging!

2010-07-05T10:24:00.001-05:00

Hello everyone!

So in typical simplegal technology challenged fashion, I have just now learned
how to blog from my phone. I'm so excited! This way I'll probably post more
often :)

I'm currently lying in bed on my belly fighting nausea and my tummy hurts too.
You see, about a week ago I found out I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It was
somewhat a relief to figure out what was wrong. Anyways, I was started on
Metformin, and the side effects suck! I've had nausea, gas (have limited going
out to avoid traumatizing people with my flatulence), and mild diarrhea (any
kind of diarrhea sucks anyway).

Hopefully this nausea subsides so I can get down to the business of enjoying my
day off!

I just realized that this post is pretty much a whinefest. I'll have to make up
for that next time! And I'm still excited about mobile blogging (what's a short
name for it? Moblogging? Mogging? Someone lemme know =])

Ka Odi nu.

Boarding School Stories II: A is for Agama Agama

2010-06-30T00:41:00.001-05:00

According to Wikipedia, "Agama agama is a species of lizard from the Agamidae family, found in most of sub-Saharan Africa."

As far as I was concerned, in JSS 1 at the time, Wikipedia was absolutely right. When I was asked by a senior student (Whom I shall call Snr. B) in the hostel if I knew what Agama agama was, I confidently replied that I did, and even went ahead, in my typical ITK fashion, to explain that it was a species of lizard, etc, and that the she should find it easy to identify because those kinds of lizards could be found crawling on our dorm walls all the time. I felt proud of myself after answering the question. After all, it was because I'd been reading my older brothers' biology textbooks that I happened to know this information. I finished answering the question with a smile on my face, and even asked the Snr. B if she had any other question before I left.

So, in the midst of all the happiness, imagine my surprise when Snr. B's response to my detailed answer was a hot slap! While reeling from the slap, I tried to backtrack and see where I went wrong, to see if I'd missed some cues from the other students around who all suddenly seemed to be wearing matching smirks. I thought to myself that in hindsight, perhaps I shouldn't have answered the question in such detail, or perhaps I should have feigned ignorance. Maybe Snr. B was just mad because I told her something she obviously didn't know (After all, everyone knew she kinda was a dundee). However, it turned out that none of these factors was the problem. That became clear when B told me that she'd "show me what agama agama was" and that I'd "see fire today."

As it turns out, Agama Agama was actually a corporal punishment. Snr. B gleefully asked another junior student to demonstrate the punishment to me, and after seeing it, I began to think that I REALLY should have shut my mouth. Basically, you have to support your whole body weight on your elbows and the tips of your toes; So you lie down straight on the floor, then you cup your face with your hands, and then you push yourself up until all your weight is supported on your elbows and toes. Most importantly, your stomach, knees, and any other body part (apart from the elbows and toes) must not touch the ground. Each time one of those offending parts touched the ground, you got slapped, and 10 more minutes were added onto your punishment time.

For someone like me this was the worst punishment ever devised. I was a kpengele girl in JSS 1; I almost looked like a kwashiorkor patient. My huge tummy kept touching the floor of course, and when I tried to adjust, I was told that I was that I was making a V, and my back was actually meant to remain straight. I had no means of escape. I prayed and prayed for afternoon prep that day, until I realized it was a Saturday, so I wouldn't be getting any such relief. My arms felt like jelly; I'd never felt them shake so badly. Snr. B wasn't even looking at me or listening to me. I cried, I fell, I begged, I pleaded, I even tried bribery (Snr. B was also known to have anya ukwu; I was so sure that would work), all to no avail. After about 2 hours – the result of many 10 minute increments – Snr. B finally let me up. Those seemed like the longest two hours of my life. I made sure I told her how grateful I was (another lesson I had learnt in my short stint at boarding school), and promised that I'd never repeat whatever offence it was that I'd committed.

That was when Snr. B turned to me and said there was no need for apologies. I was feeling relieved until I heard the next statements out of her mouth. She said I didn't need to apologize, because I hadn't DONE ANTHING WRONG! She said that she'd had a bad day, and just felt like punishing someone, and I was just the 'unfortunate soul' that happened to work for her.

I walked off, fuming – on the inside of course, I wouldn't dare show any anger, for fear of receiving more punishment – and realized 3 important things:

Snr. B really was the dundee she was reputed to be. I mean, who punishes someone like that just because?
Things are actually funny until they happen to you. I bet if my older brother had told me this story, I would have found it hilarious –that was before it actually happened to me of course
Senior students were to be avoided at ANY cost!

Later on I would find out that there were many more interesting letters of the corporal punishment alphabet. That weren't necessarily as physically tasking this punishment was, but they were just as painful. That's a story for another day though.

To all the boarders/ attendees of ajekpako secondary schools, what was the equivalent of Agama agama for you?

Heavy Thoughts on My Mind…11/19/09

2010-05-02T15:36:00.001-05:00

So I came across this post I had typed up on my computer on November 19, 2009, and I thought I'd share it. I guess I've been dealing with some things that I didn't want to bring to the forefront. I am, however, going through a journey of transparent self-honesty, and I find that sharing seems to help. I love being an anonymous blogger.

And I should add that things have DEFINITELY improved since I typed this; maybe my dad seemed to realize what he stood to lose when mama got so sick earlier on in the year. Anyways, here it goes:

I don't know what to do with myself right now…I'm just typing away to see if it gives me some sense of relief. I can't sleep, I'm having a little pity fest too, but I can't help it! I feel so down.

I'm saddened by the state of my parent's marriage. There, I said it. I'm upset that my father keeps belittling and disparaging my mother in front of others. No matter what, she should be given respect as his wife and mother to his four children. I cannot believe that he cannot see how much damage he's done to her. I cannot believe that he cannot sense how much damage he's doing to ME talking to me about my mum like that.

"She has no ambition."

"If she was someone who took anything seriously, she'd do this…"

"Look at how she looks. This isn't the woman I married."

While he talks about how fat she is, or how the only reason he's still with her is because of us, he seems to forget his role in her current "state":

He has conveniently forgotten that he asked her to be a stay at home wife
He has conveniently forgotten that he never showed her any real encouragement with any endeavors she had that would take her away from home. After all, who was going to take care of the kids?
He complained about her getting maids to help around the house, while never considering that she was taking care of his family too (Way more than us and her family too).

Worst of all, it's like he never looks at himself in the mirror. His thickening waistline and his heavier self isn't the man my mum married either, but I don't hear her complain. He may not be "obese" like she is, but if she can love him unconditionally, why can't he do the same?

He would flinch to hear this, but what he has been doing to her is called abuse. He would never lift a finger to her, I'll give him that, but there are so many other forms of abuse. This is verbal and emotional abuse.

I'm not exonerating mum of any blame either. She lets him chip away at her self esteem without saying anything. My mum is the strongest woman I know, but sometimes I wonder if she realizes it herself. I would never blame her for foregoing her dreams to take care of us; she always tells us how happy she was and still is to take care of us, and I always feel like my heart is being squeezed when she says that; I know how much she's sacrificed.

Sometimes though, I wish she'd stand up for herself more and not let my dad and his domineering self walk all over her. I wish she would take better care of herself. I wish she'd do it for her, and not for anyone else: not my dad, not us, not her family. Just for her. I want her to get that spring back in her step, that shining confidence and assurance in her eyes. I want to stop seeing that look of panic that she can't disguise no matter how hard she tries.

Momma has been ill a lot lately and I keep freaking out. I'm ashamed to say it, but I keep getting scared that she'll die. My stomach knots and I feel nauseous when I think of it. I know that I'm selfish in thinking of only how it impacts me, but I think I have every right to be selfish about my mum.

I'm confused. I've always been the closest to my dad, but as I've been growing up, his attitude towards my mum is slowly wedging a space between us. I can't approach my dad with this subject and I don't know what to do. I just know that if this goes on, I might get to a point where I'll completely lose that closeness with him.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect or that they both have to be perfect. I just want them to be the best they can. I want the fairy tale family I used to have back.

I feel so much better letting this all out.

Just For Me, on Sunday Morning

2010-01-26T06:10:00.003-06:00

Have you ever been in a certain place, heard a certain message, or watched a certain piece, and felt that you were personally being addressed? Well, that's how I felt on Sunday. I almost missed going to service that morning; it was raining, so the weather was cool, my bed seemed extra soft, and I just wanted to keep on sleeping. I missed the first two services, and finally, I dragged myself out of bed to go to the third service.

At church, it seemed like everything was just for me, I tell you. I've been worrying about my mum's health for a long time. She's had this boil for years now. Yes, I said a boil. It started innocently enough; just a little sore that resolved itself pretty quickly, or so it seemed. It's been persistent though. For the past 8 years my mum has been dealing with this "boil". She's had it drained, had surgery, prayed about it, nothing seems to be working. It's become especially bad since December of last year. Before that it hadn't given her a problem in over a year, then in December, she woke up one day with her bedsheets soaked with blood from that one little point. It happened again when I went to visit for Christmas, and I was scared out of my mind because I've never seen my mama in so much pain, and over something that didn't seems that big.

So it amazed me when I was in church that morning, and the pastor's wife was talking about praying for healing, and everything she was saying just seemed like it was tailored for my mama. I raised my hand for prayer, and I cried when I was getting that prayer. I don't usually cry at times like this, so I was surprised myself. I hope that God has heard me; I hope he will heal my mum. I think she really needs to put this illness behind her. I've been so scared to hear of her test results for weeks now, but after really praying about it on Sunday, I'm feeling more confident that everything will be fine. My work entails reading cancer charts all day, and I been praying fervently that that is not what is wrong. Well, we'll find out next week.

Anyways, the service continued, and we had a special group minister that morning. One segment of the play they did was on abuse. They were talking about people who'd been abused or molested at any point in time, and how forgiveness was needed, or it affected every part of one's life. I just sat in my chair, watching, listening, and I was shook. I've been trying to deal with my issues. I told you about being molested by my cousin when I was younger, and I really thought I'd made my peace with it. When I realized I truly wasn't was when I logged onto Facebook sometime last week, and I had a friend request from this cousin in question. I logged onto Facebook every day last week, looked at that friend request, and just moved on elsewhere. I couldn't bring myself to respond.

That's why I sat in my chair that morning in church, just trying to sort my feelings out, but just generally feeling shook. I realized that maybe this had been affecting my life in many ways. I went after service for prayer because I needed some help. I prayed, I was prayed for, and I cried. I was happy to let it out because I'd never cried about it before. I'd had many feelings: anger, denial, shame, acceptance, heck I'd even made excuses for why it had happened, told myself maybe it was my fault In some way, justified it by saying I should count myself lucky that I wasn't raped, even when it happened a second time, by another different person. So I stood at that altar, and cried about it. I cried about my shame, I cried about my anger, I cried about all the ways it had been affecting me, I just cried and just cleansed my spirit. I found that forgiveness, that understanding it seemed I couldn't find before.

I got home feeling so much better, and very happy that I had not missed that service that morning. Later in the day, I logged on Facebook, and I added the cousin in question as a friend. One of my friends who knows about the whole situation was angry with me for doing that. I told her that that was what I had to do for me. I'm never going to get the apology I'd thought I needed for so long from him. I'd thought that was what I needed to move on. I know he's not going to give it, and for the first time in my life, I don't care! He's moved on with his life, he got married over the holidays, he's happy, so why should I be the one weighed down with this? I've found that forgiveness, that peace that transcends all the negative emotions I'd been dealing with.

Happy New Year to you all, hope the year is going great so far!

Nodi nu ofuma!

On the 8,331st day of my life....

2009-12-08T20:32:00.002-06:00

I thought about how I've REALLY lost my writing mojo...It wasn't that much to begin with, but it's really declined
I sat at my desk at work and tried not to devise evil ways to get my coworker to stop her whining
I really missed my budd-e
I felt really lonely...I hate living alone
I worried about my daddy...he had a biopsy last week and I hope everything is fine
I got an interview with one of the schools I applied to :)
I realized that maybe I'm passive aggressive
I wondered why some guys do not take no for an answer!
I really missed having cable...I miss being able to forward through Adam Shankman's and Mary Murphy's comments on So You Think You Can Dance
I found some old poem/story I was working on 3 years ago and have been thinking about finishing it. It's really depressing though
I realized how fleeting and unfair life is after learning of the death of a schoolmate. She just got home for the holidays, and got into a car crash. So sad.
I read confessions on naijapals.com and laughed at some of the more hilarious ones.
I also realized that Nigerians are hardcore haters...it's like we can't help ourselves
I wondered what's really going on with President Yar'Adua
I really wished I didn't have to go to work tomorrow...This weather is great for sleep!
I also wondered why I use ellipses so much
I worried about money problems
I realized it was useless to worry because it wouldn't change anything
I hoped that you'd realize that I didn't have any other way of breaking back onto the scene and forgive me for being away for so long...Please?

Have a great night everyone!

Happenings in Simplegalville...

2009-09-09T22:07:00.002-05:00

I'm back, albeit one day later than I was supposed to be, with my lil update...I have a lot on my mind, but this 8:00 till whenever work schedule is killing me!

Where to start? I guess I'll start by saying I got my MCAT results back, not a great improvement, but the fact that I improved at all has really helped boost my confidence, and I'm in the process of finishing up my applications for this cycle. God willing, I shall be in Med school next year, Amen! Sting has been really nice to me too, making out the time to reply my e-mails, with great words of encouragement too!

My family made it over to the States, and I'm busy planning my [very brief] visit; Unfortunately work constraints won't permit a long visit now. I just want to see my family, it's been 5 years for goodness sake! I've been blowing up the house phone and I can't wait to see everyone :)

Speaking of work, started my new job last month; Love it so far, except for the presence of one incredibly annoying smug miss know-it-all, and the fact that 70% of my colleagues don't seem to grasp the concept of personal space. That's a story for another day.

I'm trying to deal with a crazy pathological liar of a friend; Her story is one that takes a bit to tell, so I'll be back with that. I actually need advice with that one. Speaking of crazy people, you'll never guess who came to add me as a friend on Facebook! Remember Bolo? I was so surprised to find a friend request from her. I refused to add her; I know it's been a while since the incident, but I'm only human, and I'm still annoyed with her, sue me. The fact that she's been running her mouth about me to other people (whom I guess she doesn't realize are my friends as well) wasn't exactly helping either.

(Now that I think about it, I need to continue with my Boarding school stories as well, hmmn....)

Well that's all I got for now...I gotta be at work at 7:30 tomorrow and I need to go get some shuteye. I'm dead tired!

Nodi nu ofuma.

I'm back!

2009-09-07T20:01:00.002-05:00

Blogsville, a nam ekene unu o! I'm back after my very long hiatus, and I apologize for being away for so long.

This is a very short note; I'll be back later tonight maybe or tomorrow to truly update.

Have a great evening y'all!

Okay…That Was Awkward and Weird….

2009-06-08T01:05:00.002-05:00

Apparently I'm really immature because I wouldn't let a dude bite me on a second (official, at least) date. Very weird experience, I must say. Remember the guy I said I was in serious like with? Not anymore I'm not!

I met IE in the library (one of my friends teased that it was doomed to failure for this) while poring over some organic chemistry. IE and his friend had come over to the area I was sitting in and proceeded to begin a discussion in French. I had turned to see who was making that racket, coz that chemistry was whooping me at the time and I needed to concentrate; I was not appreciating the noise. I was busy contemplating whether I should tell them – very politely of course – to stop making noise, or if I should just move, when IE walked up to me and asked if I was from a francophone African country. When I said I wasn't, he replied that he thought I was because I turned like I understood their conversation. So anyways, we struck up a simple conversation and I found out he'd moved down here a few months ago. I was involved a lot with international students at my school, so I'm always interested in meeting new ones, and we hadn't had and Ivorian students at my school. Before he left we exchanged numbers.

IE called me later that night and we chatted it up quite a bit, and the following day (at the library again; MCAT no be beans) he asked me out on a date. We had fun on the date, he was really nice and sweet and attentive. We hung out a lot, mostly at the library coz he was studying for an exam too. So on Monday last week, IE calls me up and says it's been a while, that he wanted us to spend Wednesday evening together. So on Wednesday we rented some DVDs, got some food and went over to his place.

I've told IE I don't drink at all, and that's just a personal choice, but when we got over to his place he was bugging me about drinking some wine at least. I insisted that I didn't want to (especially since I'd gone to his place for the first time and I needed to be clearheaded. I'm a little paranoid – I have 911 on speed dial, story for another day). We forgot about that, started watching the movie. Halfway through the movie, IE has adjusted positions again and again, and now his head is in my lap. I really didn't think much of it, until I felt him biting my thigh! I had to insist, very firmly, that he stop. I mean dude, nothing before, no warning, and you're just going to bite my thigh? I don't think so.

So IE gets, up, gets a can of beer and seems to be sticking to my request (for lack of a better word). Then he tries to play tonsil hockey, with some beer breath (I'm sorry, ugh), and I didn't want that. He then decided that trying to bite me, again, was a better option. He tried this again, much HIGHER on my thigh this time and at this point I got REALLY fed up. I told him I was ready to go (Unfortunately, and very stupidly I should add, I didn't drive down, he'd come to get me), and that he needed to get me home. At this pt he's like "how old are you again? Oh yeah, 22. You're so immature." I'm looking at him like 'what?' Dude continues on, "You won't let me kiss you, rub you, bite you, what's wrong with you?" I was quite surprised, to say the least. For some strange reason (I wonder as I look back on it what was wrong with me too), I was even explaining to the dude that I had my personal reasons for not wanting him to feel up on me that way. He asked if it was because I'd been hurt before by someone, and I agreed (not going into detail coz that's TMI), and that was my second big mistake.

IE finally gets his keys and we get into the car so he can go drop me off. He then spends the whole ride home tell me to get over myself and get over it – it being whatever or whomever hurt me in the past – and not in a sensitive way I might add. IE is 7 yrs older than me, and I felt every one of those seven years in that short ride home because he talked to me like I was some little girl. Lekwanu mu ihu nsogbu, if I wanted a lecture, I'd call one of my two older brothers for that, I so did not need that. Talking about I should be more open to change by trying to drink, and allow some things to happen, basically, have sex with him (n***a, not going to happen with you that's for sure). Once we got to my place, I told him straight up that we could not have a relationship. At most, we could be friends. I don't see that happening either. I got into the house and was like wth just happened?

He called me today and it was just very awkward. He finally said "Uhm…my mum is calling me from Africa; I'll call you back when I'm through with her." He hasn't called back since then I'm relieved. Another sign it never would've worked out: his mum was calling from Africa (spoke like it's just one big ole country)…I kid, I kid.

So, do you think I sabotaged it, or do you agree that IE shouldn't have been expecting so much from me so soon? Either way, the 'serious like' is gone. I'll be back to my library tomorrow, and I'm hoping he'll stay away like he's been doing for about a bit now; I still have to hit my books, and I die before I leave my spot because of some guy.

Ka odi nu.

I'm Back...Kinda!

2009-06-02T22:33:00.003-05:00

People of Blogsville, a nam ekene unu o!I decided to take a break and come update...I'm tired of studying; body no be firewood!

So much has happened in this short time (please allow me this one delusion) that I've been gone. I've experienced a smorgasbord of emotions; I felt like everyday just came with something new for me to think about.

So where do I start? Let's see...I'll begin with the good news. To start off, I FINALLY graduated! I thought for a bit I wasn't going to, because I had to deal with a whole bunch of craziness! From stressing about paying off my balance to dealing with some crazy professors, I came up against a whole bunch of obstacles. God did it for me though, and I made it...and Summa Cum Laude too! My parents couldn't make it, but my aunt came over, and my brother and friends made me feel very special :)
The only downer the whole weekend (apart from missing my parents and my younger brother) was receiving a text message from a certain cousin. He was the one who did most of the harm when I was younger and he texted (coz I missed his call, thank God) like nothing ever happened. So if I had answered that call what would he have said? Just acted like everything was fine and dandy? I was surprised to find that I'm still a bit affected by the situation. I thought I was over it...Oh well.

More good news...the people I interned with last summer offered me a job and even told me to go ahead and focus on my MCAT. They basically told me that I should just let them know when I want to start and they're willing to work with me. I'm just very happy about this coz it was so out of the blue, just when I was contemplating my future jobless existence...the job search was not working out for me. I feel so blessed!

In addition, my friend is coming over this summer from Moscow so I get to see him! We haven't seen each other (in person that is) since high school. It's weird that we were not really close in high school but now we're best buds...he has been my rock through so many situations. I hope I don't act a fool when I go get him at the airport.

And just when I thought I couldn't get any happier, I got the best news of all. Remember how I was talking about how much I missed my mum and brother coz I haven't seen them since O4? Well I'm going to be seeing everyone this summer! My dad just got posted to New York and they are going to be here for the next 3 yrs! So I get to see my parents and bro anytime I want to! I can't wait to see my mum in particular...I've missed her so much! I think I'm going to cry when I see her or make a total fool of myself in public, but I don't care. Plus I get to call home whenever I want? That's just too much for me now!

My little period of absence hasn't been all smiles though. Two of my close friends lost their dads and I just felt so sad. You know how it feels when someone you care about is hurting and it literally hurts your heart? It was so sad, and I felt even worse because I couldn't really do anything about it. They are feeling better now, but I know it'll take a while before that hurt is gone.

There was also a whole lotta trouble at home; from the idiots in my dad's family (and some of my cousins form my mum's side) treating my mum like dirt to my brother getting expelled (although the principle says it was indefinite suspension now, so he can get back), things were hectic! I just can't wait for my family to get here; they need to get away from all that drama.

Oh well...I think I've rambled on enough. I'm even feeling a little sleepy sef (that's my excuse for going to bed instead of back to the books).

Ka Odi nu.

P.S I'm in serious like with a guy right now. I hope I don't sabotage it; let's see how it goes....

Very Brief - but long overdue - update.

2009-05-27T21:45:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone!

I know I've been away for waaaay to long; I've just had a lot going on (okay maybe not so much that it prevented me from blogging, guess I was just being a slacker). Sorry it took me so long to reply the comments on my last post *looks away shamefacedly*

Anyhoos, I'll be back with a proper update soon and go on my blog rounds. I'm back to studying for the MCAT again, so forgive me if I don't catch up right away.

Nodi nu ofuma!

Boarding School Stories I: The Bully (Long Post Alert)

2009-04-03T11:50:00.001-05:00

I was just thinking about how I had all these crazy – and sometimes life changing – experiences in boarding school and I decided to start blogging about my boarding school experiences. I decided to start with the one story that had everyone wondering about me after the 2T1L meme. I'm trying to give the whole story here, so it might be a little long, bear with me.

I was an SS3 student, eager to write WAEC and be done with secondary school; I just wanted to get out of that hellhole (that was how I felt about my school at the time). This one girl whom I shall call Bolo had become a friend over the earlier months of the second term. I don't know how it happened but we became pretty close. She was in SS2 at the time. It was surprising for me because I'm not one to become close with someone easily; I'd found that I was too trusting and I'd had one too many people take advantage of me. Anyways back to the story.

I can't remember clearly if it was second term or third term but we were told to get our money for the WAEC exams and some other fees. I went home and got the money from my dad, it was about 5000 naira I got in total, and my dad had decided to add a little pocket money for me too. I got back to school pretty late that evening from home (the woes of public transport in Nigeria), so I couldn't pay or deposit the money with the teacher who 'kept' my money for me. I decided to hide it in my koala bear bag; nobody but me, my school daughter and Bolo knew that the koala bear actually was a bag, it just looked like a stuffed animal to everyone else. I locked the bear in my locker for the night. The only times I left my corner that evening were when I had to use the restroom and I made sure my locker remained locked.

The following morning I went to get my money to pay for the fees and it was gone! Not some of it, all of it. I called everyone in my dorm together and started questioning them to see if anyone knew where the money had gone or if they had seen anyone suspicious activity around my locker or corner as a whole. The majority of the people indicated that they hadn't seen anything and they didn't know anything about the money. A few people, however, indicated that they thought Bolo was responsible. I didn't believe it at all; Bolo wasn't even in the same dorm, and she was my close friend. She wouldn't steal from me, and I hadn't even told anyone that I got any money from home. Sure one or two things had gone missing in the past, but it surely was because I was somewhat careless. Those things hadn't been stolen, had they?

I had a lot to think about, and I had to get that money before it got spent. Things were hard at home; my dad couldn't just come up with that amount of money just like that. My school daughter had spent the night in another dorm; I hadn't even seen her till after I discovered the money was lost, and people could vouch for her, so that eliminated her. I decided to call Bolo and talk to her, to find out if it could be possible that she did that. Bolo came over and before I could even get around to saying anything she was already getting an attitude with me. I decided to play it cool so it wouldn't be like I was abusing power (I was deputy head girl at the time) or trying to jeopardize our friendship. When we finally got around to really talking, she started with the theatrics: she got angry, she cried, she used every emotion that ever was. I was feeling bad until she said, "I don't know why you would think I stole your 5000 naira." I was like ermm…seeing as I never indicated how much was stolen, and it wasn't the exact amount for the WAEC fees, how would she have known how much was stolen? I didn't think rationally, I just saw red. I still gave her a chance to confess but she wouldn't so I started administering corporal punishments, and I told her to come get me when she decided to tell the truth, and then left the dorm.

My mates decided to take over where I left off and she still wouldn't tell the truth. Finally when I got back one of my mates asked her and she confessed. She then proceeded to boast about how she'd spent part of the money. I felt so betrayed and humiliated. In my mind, she had played me and I just couldn't bear the thought that someone close to me had betrayed my trust. I saw a deeper shade of red, lost my temper, and hit that girl. In dorm then if you were a thief, you would get in a lot of trouble. Jungle justice, as it was called, would be administered. After I had hit her, my anger was somewhat sent, so I left and went to another dorm and slept. If I'd stayed there, I might've wounded her, I was that angry. I don't know what happened after that for the rest of the evening.

The next morning I was called to the principal's office and once I stepped in I was told to kneel down and then I was just slapped and beat on. Nobody even told me what I'd done wrong, and in my daze I didn't think back to the issue of the previous evening. Finally me and three other girls were told that we were heartless bullies and that we had wounded Bolo so bad that she needed stitches on her thigh. She claimed that the three other girls told her to sleep on the top of the locker room and she'd fallen and cut herself. I was held as the instigator. That day was hellish for me. I was beaten, flogged, my hair was cut, I was paraded around the dorms as a bully (with my hair cut and my back bloodied from the vice principal flogging me), and then to top it off, I was suspended.

What hurt me the most was that Bolo walked around with a smirk, still spending that money and boasting about how she'd taken care of me to everyone. I found out that she'd stolen before (which is weird since her parents were stinking rich). She never paid a dime of that money. Heck, my dad even sent her money when he got posted outta the country. My dad was so disappointed in me…he said I'd embarrassed myself and ruined my "spotless school record". He took exception though to the fact that the vice-principal had beat me so much that he'd left scars on my back and arms. The man just always had it out for me and just used that as an excuse.

Before I left that school, the other VP (the one who cut my hair) called me and apologized. She'd found out about Bolo's criminal past, and she'd inspected that locker room. She said there was nothing in that locker room that would've caused that type of injury. She though it must have been self-inflicted. She said she shouldn't have pushed for me to get so much punishment and that they overreacted. It was cold comfort for me; the damage had already been done. There were worse cases of actual bullying that didn't receive such punishment or attention.

So yeah. That's the story of how I became a bully in secondary school. Looking back on it I probably shouldn't have lost my temper like that. I also learnt to pick my friends more carefully after that!

Nodi nu ofuma!

A Poem….

2009-03-27T12:20:00.001-05:00

Thanks everyone for cheering me up, and leaving words of encouragement after my long-winded rant. LG, Mizchif, Roc, NDQ, Buttercup, and Bibi, I appreciate you all!

So, I was gonna regale you with some nice, funny post or story but I'm in school and my mind is not functioning properly right now. I decided to share one of my attempts at writing poetry with you instead (coz it's saved on my computer anyway). Be warned, it's a little depressing.

So here it goes:

P.L.M.

I changed my hue for you,
Stuck fingers where they shouldn't go,
Cut ties I didn't want to;

I starved myself for you,
Sacrificed my dignity for you,
and lost touch with my true identity.

The scars on my heart
Became little scars on my wrists
But I claimed they were paper cuts;

In return, you belittled me,
Stripped me of my confidence,
and reduced me to nothingness.

All the while I sent little notes,
through my words and actions
That you never seemed to receive.

I'm not intelligent enough for you,
Not pretty enough, and
Not resourceful enough;

I know I'm flawed to you,
but once, just once,
could you read between my lines?

Could you read the notes I sent
they all say the same thing;
three little words repeated throughout:
Please
Love
Me.

Erm…yeah. So I'm about to head out to class. I'll have something better posted soon k?

Sai anjuma.

10 Honest Things About Me

2009-03-09T13:34:00.003-05:00

I just realized today that I never did get around to doing this meme that Buttercup tagged me to do, so I'll do it now. (Plus honestly, I'm having a bad day and any other thing I write about will probably be extremely depressing).

1. I am the biggest procrastinator there ever was. I put off things till the last minute then I get stressed out about them. Not a good trait.

2. I am a chronic worrier. I remember a professor once asked me if I actually sleep at night coz I worry too much about things. In addition, I get caught in the little details too often (especially with academics)

3. I have serious anger management problems. I used to get angry ALL the time, and I felt like I had all this anger just pent up inside. I'm happy I'm improving a little, but I feel like the silliest little things set me off.

4. I LOVE cartoons, books, music, and food. These are my favorite things in the world. I love to try new food combinations especially. My favorite weird food combo: Bread and noodle sandwiches.

5.I am a certified klutz. My classmates and friends have dozens of stories about me falling or bumping to something. The worst was when I apparently left skid marks after falling in a corridor in high school. I always have to think of where I'm going and walk carefully if I don't want to humiliate myself.

6.I'm scared of getting into a relationship. I have self esteem issues sometimes, and I think I'm scared that I'll be inadequate. I have some residual fear from my days of being molested too. For now, I hold onto my romantic dreams I guess.

7. I cry over weird things and at weird times. I can't cry at a funeral, but I'll cry when I feel I've not done as well as I can with a personal goal. I think when I'm truly deeply hurt, I just hold it inside; this is a practice I started in my childhood.

8. I'm obsessed with earrings! I could be looking all raggedy (coz I don't have much of a fashion sense), but I have to have some nice earrings.

9. I have an overactive imagination. I have all these scenarios and conversations playing in my head a lot of times. My mind is always busy.

10. Family is very important to me. You mess with my family and you've messed with me big time.

That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...I actually enjoyed it a little I think.

Kam kwuo eziokwu...

2009-02-25T08:03:00.007-06:00

The title just means "Let me tell the truth." I just felt like speaking igbo this morning!

I'm back with the answers to my 2 truths, 1 lie meme.

1. I once got suspended and had my hair cut in high school for being a bully.
Many you guessed this was the lie. Unfortunately, this is true. I have an explanation though. In boarding school (bane of my existence) I got really mad at this one girl for stealing my money, which was desperately needed at the time, and then repeatedly denying it, until we found out she commited the theft. I went off on her, and in the spirit of jungle justice, some of my mates joined my in 'administering punishment' (I cringe at this term now).
The girl claimed that we made her sleep in the locker room and she fell and got a deep gash that required stitches. I was not listened to at all, the school administration termed me and three other girls as bullies, and our vice prinicpal at the time (very wicked, hers is a story for another day) decided that her form of punishment was to cut my hair. Eish this story is becoming too long; basically I got my beautiful long hair cut, and got suspended for a weekend "because I was usually a good girl."

2. I have a temper problem, and when I'm angry, I have a potty mouth.
This, too, is true. I have a bit of a temper, and for some strange reason, the cuss words just jump out when I'm really steamed. I'm working on it very hard though; I hate this aspect of my character.

3. I'm very good at masking my emotions. You won't know what's going on with me unless I choose to tell you.

Obviously, this is the lie. I've always been told that what I feel is always so clearly written on my face. I working on this too, because this makes me feel so vulnerable, and I don't particularly like that feeling.

Standtall, welldone! What present do you want? Buttercup, thanks for believeing that I'm a good girl :) Rethots, you are slick! You didn't give an answer though, so you're disqualified.

Sai anjuma.

P.S Please head over to here to nominate your favorite Naija bloggers for the Naija Bloggers Awards 2009, and meet other naija bloggers too!

8,037 days ago...

2009-02-17T06:19:00.002-06:00

In a little hospital in Yaba, Lagos, a very special and beautiful girl was born. She was doted on by her proud parents and her affectionate brothers. Today, 22 years later, she is still as special and beautiful as she was from the beginning.

Okay, so maybe that last part wasn't so true, but I'm trying :)

I must thank God though for keeping me to see my 22nd year...it's been quite a journey so far, and I cannot wait to see what this new chapter of my life will bring. I'm having an awesome day so far...I'm feeling the love from friends and family. My brother outdid himself AGAIN, it's like he just knows what I want, and he gets that for me, even with some jara!

It's just the beggining of the day, and I sure am looking forward to the rest of it! Happy Birthday to me!!

Ka Odi nu.

P.S I will have the results for the meme some time this weekend or next week...interesting guesses so far!

2 Truths, One Lie

2009-02-16T06:06:00.002-06:00

I was tagged by Beulah! to do this meme, and I'm finally doing it. Here I go:

1. I once got suspended and had my hair cut in high school for being a bully.
2. I have a temper problem, and when I'm angry, I have a potty mouth.
3. I'm very good at masking my emotions. You won't know what's going on with me unless I choose to tell you.

I'm pretty sure it'll be very easy to figure out which one is the lie! Ehm...I don't tag anybody. Practically everyone I know has been tagged!

Nodi nu ofuma.

On the 8,019th Day of My Life:

2009-01-31T13:52:00.000-06:00

I missed my mum a lot.
I felt so lonely.
I realized that I was so broke that I had only less than $5 in my account, but I wasn’t worried because I knew something great was coming my way (and payday is almost here too!)
I wished I could get the nerve to really confront one of my friends about her bad behavior; it keeps getting worse, and I feel tangled in her web of lies.
I thought about another day when I had been walking to my car in the parking lot, and a guy stopped me to tell me I was beautiful. No toasting, no ulterior motives; he just made my day!
I thought about how much work I had to do in the coming weekend.
I wondered why some people never took anything serious. I wondered if I was a buzzkill, and why I took things too seriously sometimes.
I was annoyed with an overbearing uncle of mine.
I had lustful thoughts about someone’s butt (it was perfect, I tell you).
I resolved to definitely be more honest with myself.
I wondered if I was crushing on one of my close friends in secret. I really missed aforementioned friend.
I seriously wondered about what statements to come up with for the 2T/1L meme
I realized that February is almost here, and that means my birthday is almost here as well
I ate some Indomie noodles (It’s been a while, so this was a very important part of my day!)
I jammed to music by D’Banj, Timaya, and J. Martins.
I spoke to a friend that I hadn’t spoken to in a while.
I watched Brother Bear 2 and Mulan again.
I tried to refrain from choking some very annoying girls in my class.
I wondered why I talked to myself a lot, even going as far as having whole conversations with myself sometimes.
I wondered where I’d be, and what I’d be doing 9 months from now.
I thought about my life.

As you can probably tell by now, I really didn’t have much to write, so I decided to tell you about what I did/thought yesterday!
Nodi nu ofuma.

Hometown Glory...

2009-01-22T17:29:00.001-06:00

Round my hometown, memories are fresh
Round my hometown, the people I’ve met
Are the wonders of my world (2x)
Are the wonders of this world
-Adele, Hometown Glory.

I was listening to Adele’s Hometown Glory (I love Adele, she’s so talented), where she lauds her hometown. She seems to be so PROUD of her hometown and its people, and I can’t help but feel a little sad when I listen to it. It’s a wonderful song, and I love it, but it just serves to remind me of how much the case is the opposite for me. I hate my hometown (okay so maybe hate is too strong a word, so I guess I should say strongly dislike)!
For such a small place, such malice and hatred, and just general wickedness seem to come out of it in great amounts. Where do I even begin? Do I start with the men of my father’s family whose legacies are predominantly infidelity, drunkenness, and abuse? It seems sometimes that I get a daily report of some cousin or uncle or another committing one ‘abomination’ or the other. The men of my hometown in particular scare me, and this is why I’ve vowed I’ll never marry someone from that place.
All my aunts and women I know that are married to someone from that place all have the same complaints: they complain of the deep emotional abuse, the physical abuse sometimes, the way these men reduce their worth to nothingness. I’ve had one of these women tell me that her husband told her she’s nothing but a money and baby-making machine. Imagine that?! This woman is also beat by her husband AND his family, and she does all the work while he relaxes. My aunt just came back from a visit home after about 10 yrs in this country. Naturally, she stayed with her husband’s family, and the things she told me they said and did to her still bring tears to my eyes.
The women cannot be excluded from the wickedness pervading this town either. They delight in gossiping and bringing others down. The worst, however, are the ones who give you a huge smile then proceed to stick a knife in your back. I know how true this is coz I’ve watched and heard my mum be a victim for so many years. Some even go as far as going to native doctors for ‘medicine’ to ensure the death of any success in your life. All this wickedness in just a little town!
Don’t get me wrong, there are some things and people that make me love my hometown, but it just seems that we, especially the men of this town, are known for wickedness. Is it ironic then that we call ourselves “Umu nma?”* I hope that this new generation of people from my hometown can change, that one day I can proudly say that the people I’ve met here are the wonders of my world.

*Umu nma = beautiful children

2009-01-14T16:45:00.002-06:00

Hey everyone!

I've been away much longer than I planned; it has been a mix of so many factors: being stuck in a house with no Internet access, hopping from one place to the other, and most recently, in bed with the flu.

I'll be back to update in a little bit...I'm trying to beat this annoying cold/flu with accompanying piles of schoolwork to tackle!

Stay blessed my dear Blogsville friends!

525,600 Minutes...

2009-01-02T11:18:00.001-06:00

Of 2008 have gone by fast. These minutes have seen personal growth, happiness, new friends made, new lessons learned. They have witnessed me at my highs, seen me hit the floor at my lowest points, and everything in between....

525,600 minutes of a new year have been given to me (2010 minutes of which I think have been spent reasonably well) to do as please. I hope that these minutes will find me achieving more positive rather than negative things. I hope that the lessons learned in the previous year will prevent me from repeating the same mistakes again this time around.

So what can I do with these precious minutes? Many things...First off, I plan to live every minute to the fullest. I'm tired of feeling depressed sometimes because I feel like I'm not fulfilling even 10% of what I feel I should be doing.

In these minutes, I hope to be a better friend -by working on those sorely lacking communication skills- and a better person. I hope to be more honest with myself, more focused on my goals. I hope to be more open with others, and let go of the shuttered past. I even hope to accomplish the little goals like less Facebooking *smiles*

How do you plan to use your 525,600 minutes? Use them wisely because they are a great gift!!

Happy New Year people!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-25T05:15:00.000-06:00

People of blogsville,

I just stopped by to wish you a MeRrY ChRiStMaS! I sincerely hope that this will be a blessed and happy one.

Enjoy as much as possible, but please don't forget the main reason for today: the birth of our Lord. God be with you all!

Udo diri unu!!

Testimony....

2008-12-23T07:13:00.002-06:00

Hey folks!

Seems like I've been away too long once again! I was experiencing some Internet issues, but not to worry; everything has been resolved now!
This has been a wonderful time for me...It seems like I went through so many ups and downs, especially emotionally, and now I've come out on top. Like Beluah prayed for me, this year seems to be coming to an end in grand style!
When I was younger, and anything special or intense happened to me, I would talk to God in my special way. I did this by writing a letter to God. I used to walk around with a book filled with letters to God. It's been a while, so I thought I'd do that today.

Dear God,

This is your daughter simplegirl here; I know you know my identity so no problem there. It's been a while since I actually wrote you, and I just had to do this because there is so much I have to thank you for.

First off, I want to say thank you for still keeping me here till this day, and thank you for keeping and protecting all my friends and family. Thank you for not abandoning me at any point in time, and thank you for being there, not being fickle like I've found some other people and things to be.

Thank you for providing for me and helping me deal with the trouble over my accident, and thanks for helping me control my temper when I saw that young lady's friend again on the last day of school. She still had that scratch on her car just like I suspected she would.
Thank you for saving me from another accident. I'm happy you helped me stop my car in time when the tire rod slipped in the middle of the road and my tire was practically off the car, with bolts and nuts intact. I would've barreled into someones fence and hurt my friend A in the passenger seat, but you stopped me on time! And you sent over a nice elderly man to help us get a towing truck too! You are so wonderful God!
Speaking of A, thank you for delivering her from an accident too! The front of the car was crushed and the car was completely totaled, but she came out with just bruises and a really bad headache. Thank you for being with her.

Thank you for putting a big smile on my mum's face! My brother graduated on Friday, with honors, despite what all the naysayers had to say. Now my mum can proudly answer to her "Nne engineer" title. (And please don't hold it against her when it seems like she's being too proud; it's just been a long time coming for her). She really needed this...all the time people delighted in called her 'uneducated' and 'illiterate' just coz she doesn't have a college degree, even though she went to TTC and was a teacher. This helps hold her head even HIGHER!

Thank you for keeping my mum and dad alive and strong. Even though some of his family members took my dad's pic to the graveyard igwo ogwu, it didn't work. They said he wouldn't see the end of this year, but he has, and he's healthy too! And even though my dad's family have insulted my mum in every way possible, and claimed their marriage wouldn't last, they're still going strong! (sure my dad still has some things to work on, but one prayer at a time right?)

Thank you for journey mercies for various family members and myself. Thanks for strengthening my mum, uncle, and aunts. It's been 6 years since Grandma came to join you, and I know it's been really hard for them at this time of year. I'm happy that you let my aunt G really grieve; she had been holding so much pain inside after losing mama, but I guess when she finally saw home, after 12 yrs away, she was able to let go.

Thank you for academic success! Thanks for giving me As in ALL my classes this semester...even those three that were particularly trying for me. And even though I was crushed when I didn't do so great on my MCAT, thanks for letting me experience that. I should've known that you had a greater plan for me! Speaking of the MCAT, father thank you for giving my friends Ed, Whitney, and Sting admission into medical school! You are great Lord!

There is just sooooo much to thank you for, and I'm overwhelmed by the good you have done for me this year. I know that you know what's in my heart, and you know that I'm thankful, even for the things I haven't written out here. You really have been awesome in my life this year.
Thanks coz I know you're going to do even greater things! I love you so much.

Your loving daughter,
Simplegal.

Update....

2008-12-05T18:19:00.002-06:00

Hey Everyone!

I'm back to update like I promised; sorry it took a little while, I have just been swamped with a multitude of things! This was a tough week for me, but I thank God, because through it all He was really there for me!

First onto my accident issue. The young lady I was involved in the accident with showed her real colors this week. She had been acting all nice before, but this week it was like I was dealing with another person. She claimed that she had gotten an estimate for the repair of her car from back home and it was actually $1750. For a paint job to cover a scratch that wasn't even that extensive? I don't think so! She went as far as to tell me I had to rent her a car of her choice to drive while her car was in the shop, and that I had to pay for her to fix her car in any shop of her choice, regardless of the price. I was just sooooo frustrated with her.

On Wednesday, she met with me and brought another estimate that was $1200. She said I had to go with that estimate because the other shop was not going to fix her car on time for her to leave school. I wondered why this was an issue, seeing as the car was driving perfectly well. She then said I had to deposit the money for the repairs directly into her account. Lekwanu mu ihu nsogbu my people. At that point, I got fed up with her and told her I was absolutely NOT going to do that. Did she think that I'm a mugu? Did she somehow see a feeding bottle in my mouth? How is it that she thought she could make such demands of me, that I would actually have any dealing with her that I had no documentation of? At that point, she started threatening me with legal action if I didn't pay up by today. She should've taken it to court; everything would've worked in my favor anyway.

Anyhoo, I got tired of dealing with her, so I decided to try and deal with the issue and be done with it. My professors at school who knew of the issue advised me to just let it go; they told me to write up a contract and get it notarized, then write her a check for the amount of the lowest estimate. I did that yesterday. My brother and some of my professors helped me raise the $1000, and I paid her. I got my documentation, so everything is settled now. I can tell she wasn't even gonna use that money to fix her car! Before I even got home yesterday, she had already cashed the check! All I can say is, God bless her. She should just know that what she did to me will surely come back to her in many other ways. That is that!

My people, I have to tell you this oh! Abeg, make una help me thank Ebony well well!!! Can you believe that Ms. Ebony actually sent me $500 to help take care of the accident payment?! I got her check in the mail today. God will surely bless her for this help!

My prayer warriors of blogsville, thank you oh! You must have been praying very hard for me, because everything that went wrong for me this week was resolved by the grace of God. My keys were lost earlier in the week, but yesterday, I found them. My genetics textbook was stolen on Wednesday, one day before the finals; I made a few copies but I still didn't know a lot of questions on the test. I did a lot of guesswork, and after the test, when I asked the professor about the questions I guessed on, I got all of them right! I passed that test too! The assignment that was driving me crazy, remember the 305 pg book report? The deadline was extended by a week on the day it was due. Your prayers worked, Chukwu gozie unu nile!!

Right now, I'm just happy. I know it was a tough week, but it ended on such a high note I can't even attempt to complain. I'm off to celebrate my Friday.
Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Sai Anjuma.

Quick Post

2008-12-03T15:22:00.002-06:00

Hey everyone! This can not even be classified as a real post....I'm just stopping by to let you know that I will be updating and letting you know the outcome of my issue either tomorrow or friday, I promise! I just got a whole lot going on: finals, presentations, and other personal issues.

Jishi nu ike!

Terrible week, Just Terrible....

2008-11-21T17:20:00.002-06:00

Hey everyone....

I've been away for a while, coz like I said, I've been contemplating. I wanted to stay away for a while until I had something positive to post; I'm tired of all the sad and whiny posts! Unfortunately, things just seem not to be working out for me. I'm particularly down today, so I thought I'd come vent/ talk about it with my blogsville family to make myself feel better.

I have been having a bad month! It wasn't too bad, but this week in particular, everything seems to be going so wrong. I've had to deal with annoying and irate people, walking into class to meet unexpected quizzes, having to do a book report on a 305 pg book within a week (it's due on Monday), and fake friends!

Yesterday, in the midst of all this stress, my appearing-once-in-a-blue-moon period finally came, and it's the worst yet. I have cramps from hades with severe back pain (I guess it's coz it's been so long...period skipped 4 months this time). I barely slept the whole night coz of that, and I had to go shadowing this morning. I almost didn't, but I decided to be a good student and go shadowing. BIG MISTAKE!

I got through shadowing unscathed, but things got really weird after that. My head started throbbing. I almost got hit on the highway. I got to school and got in an accident in the parking lot. I've been told it's my fault, and now I got to fix the other driver's car out of pocket. Why? Because I got the car less than two weeks ago, and my paperwork is yet to come in, so no insurance...only dealer insurance, and there's a whole lot of drama going on from that angle.
To make matters worse, the driver's friend is some stupid hot-headed girl that keeps trying to deliberately make things hard for me; I'm so unfortunate to have been in an accident with the one person most susceptible to peer pressure. Now I have to figure out where to get $1000 from....I only work on campus and make about $120 per week! God help me.

I see I've just been rambling on...I'm just so frustrated, and I tend to babble when frustrated. I just dunno what to do!

Prayer warriors of Blogsville, come to my aid! If nothing else, just pray for me to feel better. I want this seemingly endless streak of bad luck to end. I just want to FEEL BETTER.

Ka Odi nu.

2008-10-18T20:06:00.000-05:00

No title for this post...just a little quick note.

I got my MCAT results on Tuesday...basically, I won't be going to med school next year. I got a 24L...not exactly competitive, especially as an international student with limited options. Currently, I'm trying to figure out what to do in my downtime (apart from rewriting my MCAT, that is). Any one know of any good postbac programs that take international students? Please let me know.

Throughout this week, I've been thinking a lot. Thinking about my future, thinking about my current existence, thinking about my past. Thinking about friendships that seem to be waning...Thinking about the little skeletons that had been hiding previously, but seem to be playing peek-a-boo in my mind. Confronting some of my fears...and letting God reassure me! I'm not depressed...more like I'm in a state of deep contemplation.

I'll be back to update soon....just as soon as I get out of this contemplative funk. Could be tomorrow, could be a month from today; I just want to stop this trend of sad posts.

Sai anjuma.

December 15, 2004....

2008-10-02T19:13:00.000-05:00

I was bored earlier on today, and I was reading my OLD diaries when I came across this entry:

Dee (I called my diary Dee),

Today is a BAD day! What I feared would happen for so long actually happened today. Why today of all days?Two days before the crusade, 12 days before I leave for the states? God, how could you allow this to happen to me?! N [my eldest brother] just found the note I wrote so long ago in anger, a note that I thought I got rid of...to make matters worse, he gave it to popsie! I just got out of the room, after talking with mumsie, and I feel so bad, coz she's hurting, and popsie gave me an ultimatum through her. I'm NOT looking forward to tonight.

The entry ended there. I never updated after the night in question. I guess at this point you're wondering about the content of the note that was causing so much stress right? Well, in that note/letter, I had basically chronicled the abuse I had gone through (and the ages at which the incidents occurred). I remember now that I had kept the letter folded in my diary, and when got home from school that term, I'd seen it and planned to dispose of it, but I got interrupted (I think my mum had called me to help her with something). Anyways, I guess it fell out of my diary, and my eldest brother found it when he was cleaning the living room the next morning. My bro. N is very hot tempered, and he took the letter straight to my dad. I think what was upsetting him so much was the fact that the second sentence of the letter said: AGE 6: Molested by my cousin. My brother found that intolerable!

My dad basically gave my mum the letter and told her that by the time he g0t back from work that evening, he wanted to know three things: 1. Who was the cousin in question? 2. What exactly did he do? 3. When I'd become such a foul -mouthed person (Coz that note was FULL of swear words...like I said, I was mad). My mum called me to her room and grilled me till I gave her the person's name. She was so hurt cos it was her sister's son, the one my parents treated like a son. She asked me why I'd never told her abut it, and I told her why: Because I knew they'd both react like this. My dad and brothers would threaten the cousin in question, and my mum would be shattered by it. I love my mum to death and I hate to see her hurt in any way, so I felt I was protecting her. I guess I failed at that.

In actuality, this note came from my therapy at school. I got to a point where I was really depressed and almost suicidal. I was beginning to remember a lot of things I'd tried to suppress for s long, and I did not like the picture my memories were painting. One day I decided to just be strong about it, and I went to see my school counselor. One of the things she told me to do was to write out how I felt whenever any of my moods hit me (advice I still follow to this day), and that letter was one of the products of my writing. Well, back to the story.

I spent the whole day in fear. What, and how was I gonna talk to my dad? I couldn't look my mum in the eye either. I felt like I was so unclean, like I'd committed a major offense. Surprisingly, when my dad came back from work that night, he didn't call me aside. He didn't yell at me like I thought he would. He called me Ada Daddy like he always did. It was like he'd forgotten the whole episode. Instead he smiled at me, and sat me down, and we had a 'normal' evening. Back then, I thought he was having avoidance issues, but in retrospect, I've realized that he was just coping with his shock as he knew best. I think our family coping mechanism is "Forget about it. Act like nothing happened." All the same, I think it hurt my daddy a lot. He'd always been super intuitive where I was concerned, and my dad always seemed to know when something was wrong with me; he just couldn't fathom how he'd missed something this huge. We always were super close, me and my dad. I'm his only daughter, so I guess that's why.

I thought it was all forgotten, but the night before I came to the states to start college, I had a talk with my dad, you know 'THE TALK' parents give before you leave home...don't do drugs, don't be promiscuous, focus on your studies, etc etc. I thought it was just my dads routine talk till he said, "Ada mu I never talked to you about that note. I'm upset you used such foul language, you're not like that. Most importantly, I'm sad that you couldn't say anything to me. A wum nna gi. And we are closer than most fathers and daughters are." He didn't say anything more than that, and I think it was because of the suspicious sheen I saw in his eyes. My father is a proud man; he is not one who easily shares his emotions.

We never talked about the issue after that, but it still hurts me sometimes when I think about it. Not the abuse, cos I've since moved on from that by the grace of God, but by the tiny rift it created between me and my dad. Okay honestly, the abuse still sits in the farthest reaches of my mind a bit; it even helps me rationalize and justify some flaws and aspects of myself I don't like. But, I'm tryna move on from it...I don't even want it in the farthest reaches of my mind anymore. I want to be a clean slate, I want to let go completely.

There, I just shared a little bit more of myself...maybe when I truly share the rest I'll let go. Who knows? We'll see.

Nodi nu ofuma.

MND....

2008-09-29T23:28:00.000-05:00

Happy Independence day to my fellow Nigerians! How did you spend the day? I hope it was a blessed and fun day for all!

I'm back my fellow citizens of blogsville! I'm sorry I was away for so long; I came back from the MCAT to meet even more drama. As for the MCAT, all I can say is: I'm praying. I no know whether na me write de exam abi na de exam write me. I guess I'll know when I see the results.
I've just had a whole lot going through my mind...a lot of random thoughts that I can't seem to collect. I started writing a post three times last week, and I just couldn't seem to get anything together, so I deleted the posts. I've decided just keep typing and see what comes of it.

I've been very sad about my dad's sister-in-law (whom I shall call MND) that passed. I wasn't close to her at all, but the few memories I have of her paint a picture of a nice, sweet lady who went through so much stress. Her husband K, my dad's half-brother, practiced polygamy (He had four wives, I think), so she already had to deal with some stress in the home. K was just following the footsteps of his father before him; My grandad married five wives, four of which had children. Obviously, my dad's family is a big one!

My Grandad was the Eze of his hometown, but the position didn't bring money with it; instead it seems to have brought strife with it. K, who was the diokpara of the family, was something of a disappointment. He was well educated, with a good job, but he drank a lot. As a result, after his death, there wasn't really much left for his wives and children to live on. MND was the youngest wife, so she seemed to be at the receiving end of a lot of hate in family. Auntie MN went through a lot of suffering, but finally my dad found a way to help her kids; sent them to school, and eventually her son made it over here to the states.

Her son, ND, has been focused in school, and he had just gotten a new job, and was ready to REALLY take care of his mum, when we received the bad news. I think what hurt us all so much is that she suffered all her life and died suffering as well. She'd been ill for a while, and none of her kids were home, so ND begged his stepmum, brothers, and sisters to take care of her. He sent every dollar he earned back home to take care of her till he could get home see her. They spent the money and did nothing for her. One of his sisters took the mum to a faith healer and felt she'd done her part. Can you imagine, everyone just stood aside and twiddled their thumbs while MND lay there dying. The first time they thought she was dead, they took her to the morgue, not the hospital, the MORGUE! After about one hour, she woke up, and they took her home (not to the hospital). The process occurred 3 more times, and finally she passed. After that they all started 'weeping and wailing'...I was so upset when I heard that, coz I cannot believe that anyone would be so callous as to see someone suffering so much and do nothing to help.

Through all this, I'm happy about one thing: She has finally been relieved from the suffering that she seemed to be embroiled in for such a major part of her life.

I'm surprised some of the things that still happen in this day and age. I guess I'm calling this post MND then....

Ka Odi Nu.

A Quick Note...

2008-08-30T12:58:00.000-05:00

People of Blogsville, A nam ekene unu....I know I've been away for a while....last post on July 14? I didn't think I'd been away that long. Thanks, everyone, for the advice and concern; that was REALLY nice of you all.

Like the name of this post says, this is just a quick note, to let you know that I'm still around, and I will be back soon, I just have a lot going on now. I'm juggling school, and a little work, and MCAT studying, and starting on some of my med school applications (The other schools that don't require the MCAT). A lot has happened...there was a death in my dad's family, I've been going sick with worry over my mum (200/90 BP...her doctor said...and the woman will not rest!), she isn't feeling too well, and I don't think I'll see her this year (and it'll 4 yrs in December since I saw her last). Also I have the big MCAT D-day less than two weeks from now...September 12, and I'm not prepared in the least!

So please, bear with me for about two more weeks, and I'll have an update, and catch up on what's been going on in Blogsville.

So keep me in your prayers and keep your fingers crossed for me OK?!

Ka Odi Nu.

Emotional Problems?

2008-07-14T21:55:00.000-05:00

Something I saw today made me remember something really sad....and as much as I felt emotional about it, I couldn't express my emotions. It's weird because I never can express my emotions at the "acceptable" times...I bottle them up till I feel I'll burst with them, but at the same time, I feel like I have a block of ice barely beating in my chest. The craziest thing is, I cry over ridiculous stuff like movies and books....things that I know are purely works of fiction.

I wonder if I have taken a defense mechanism too far....I long to just let it all out and be cleansed! Like five minutes ago, I felt like writing poetry, and all that has been coming to mind is "And I will piece together the broken shards of my heart again." Am I weird for that?

I think I'm just depressed...

Update on pO and Work Woes....

2008-07-08T19:19:00.000-05:00

How una dey my people? Sorry I've been MIA for a while now....I have been busier than I thought I would be...Chei, American work and MCAT wahala no go kill me!
Anyways, I'm here to update as promised oh...bear with me if I wander off topic; I just got back from work and my mind is not fully functional. Ok...where to begin....Ah yes, pO.

I had been mulling over it for a while, trying to figure out what to do about the idiot; whether I should report him or not. I talked about it with H, my other friend, and she told me to let it go; after all, A had not done anything about it. I didn't think that was the best logic, but A herself didn't want to report him since she wasn't harmed, and A said she was also thinking of his family back home. She didn't want anything to happen to him here and put his family in a bind; A is softhearted like that. pO was sooo lucky....he should thank his stars; he better not try it again. A said she also told him to back off, 'cos she wasn't playing with him anymore; Sha I've told her to make sure sh's never alone with him again. pO's brother came to visit from 9ja for a week, and during that time, A, H, and I were basically the ones who took him around and kept him entertained. Sure I was a bit irritated at first, but then, why should I blame the young man for having a useless brother? pO has stopped harassing A; He claims that she is "in love with his brother". Can you imagine that? He didn't even stop because he felt he did something wrong, but because she's in love with his brother? What an idiot.

The idiocy that pO embodies, however, has not ended. This moron called H on Saturday and told her to come over. She did so, thinking it was an emergency 'cos he made it sound that way. Before I continue, lemme give you brief background information here. H has known pO for almost 4 yrs now, and gone through "the cycle" with him. He's harassed her for a long while now, and he finally gave up when he realised she was sticking with her current boyfriend, LB; this was about 5 months ago. Then pO moved to A and you know the story. Ok, back to the gist. So H goes over, expecting to find an incapacitated pO, but no. He answers the door, looking as healthy as ever. She goes in and asks him why he called her over. pO makes her sit, then proceeds to tell her how he wants her so bad, and how they need to get together so she can "give him some." H told me she was just in shock for a while, then she reminded him that she had a boyfriend. pO's response was that "LB doesn't have to know; we can get out of this town and have a good time." At this point, H was disgusted, so she told him that he should not bother her and left. Sine then, the pervert has been blowing up her phone. The last time, yesterday, he told her to give him a response by Friday. Now she's just ignoring his calls. Can you believe the unmitigated gall of this idiot? How can one person misbehave so much? Has he no shame, flipping between close friends? And for that matter, trying to force unwanted attention on a person? Shaaz, he won't try anything physical with H because she will deal with him....she is stronger than him! Una help me see wahala?

I am not going to let pO's stupidity ruin my happiness sha. I finally got paid today! After three weeks of work with no pay, my boss came by today and handed me my paycheck...you should have seen how I was shining my teeth ehn! You can't blame me oh...my account has been dry like the Gobi desert for the past week, and all my bills have been waiting. I just found out though that my boss gave me the wrong amount of money sha....It's not his fault though, I put in the wrong amount of hours. He has promised to rectify the situation though....I can't wait to do my happy dance oh...the fruit of my labors will be well spent!

Speaking of work, I'm about to discipline someone at work oh. I told you all about BZee and SK, but I didn't tell you about HS because I hadn't met him at the time. HS's job at my workplace is basically to make copies and pull charts and do whatever else needs to be done. In all my life, I have never met such an annoying, lazy human being! He comes in to work, looks around like he plans to do something, puts his head on the desk and SLEEPS. He is being paid oh, no be say na volunteer. At first I ignored it, 'cos I figured he just didn't have anything to do at the time. But then, this human being started showing his true colors; I gave him a number of files that needed to be copied, and this warey asked me if I was going to lunch. I said "No, why?", and the mugu had the nerve to tell me that I should go do it myself because HE's about to go eat lunch; and get this, this was at 11:15. I had to be civilized, so I insisted till he did it. After that I gave him a list of files to get from the record room, and he told me, "But you still have one file there, do that first." I was taken aback oh...see me see trouble. I almost told him "Common shut up your dirty mouth and go get those files my friend!", before I calmed myself down, and with as much civility as I could muster, I insisted he get the files and he did. My red eye was threatening to show oh. Then I was reading my e-mail during lunch and I felt a presence hovering. I jumped up and nearly pulled some Jackie Chan moves, just for me to discover the same idiot HK just hovering over my shoulder. By now, my hand was beginning to itch. I sat down and continued to read my e-mail, just for me to turn and see HK reading my e-mail, comfortably with me. Then he even had the nerve to ask me stupid questions about my PERSONAL e-mails that he just read. I asked the mumu why he was reading my e-mail over my shoulder and he replied that I should "Chill out, it's not like he was doing anything wrong." See pikin when I for don born finish, if no be say na America we dey ehn....To crown it all, HK went back to sleep and said I should wake him up when I needed copies. That wasn't what annoyed me though. This boy sat with his back to me, an I was just enjoying my snack in my corner of the cubicle when I heard psss...po po po po pah! This boy had just given me 21 gun salute of mess, and just when I was trying to enjoy my snack oh! To make matters worse, the thing de smell, bad (You Indians and their spicy food). To add insult to injury, he woke up and said, "Oh. was that me?" Before nko? Him no fit identify his own toxin? Me and BZee said yes, and he replied, "I was asleep, it's not like I could control it." E be like like say dem never sound that boy well well before. I might be the one to do it. Inside my mind, I thought "If dem born you well, try me again today. You will surely see my red eye." It's like he heard my thoughts because he didn't try anything useless again throughout the week. Una for see me for evening news for child abuse. Because him think sey dem born am for America....I will soon give him some Nigerian discipline. *hiss*

I have to share this with you too oh. My supervisor at work na oyinbo girl. The type who gives evidence for the dumb blonde stereotype. I'd just met her for the first time last week, and she was trying to pronounce my name. I don't think my name is that difficult to pronounce, but then, it has been butchered so many times. Before the young lady would bite her tongue, I gave her a short version of my name, and told her not to worry, that I know my name is hard to pronounce for many here. After she insisted on continuing for a while she finally gave up and called me the nickname. After that, she proceeded to say one of the dumbest things I've heard: "Its okay. I bet the same way your name is hard is the same way my name and other English names must seem so exotic back in Africa. By the way, how long have you been here? You speak such good English for someone who just learnt it." Wth? First off, her name is Megan. Secondly, I speak better English than she does. I'm used to such comments now though, so I don't get offended. Still, that was funny.

I've gotten carried away again and written a long post. Abegi, make I go hit my books for a while before I hit the bed.

Enjoy your week!

My Week...

2008-06-20T19:38:00.000-05:00

Well It's time for my weekly break....I feel like I've been going crazy this week, no time for any rest! Well, I started my internship this week, and already I've met the craziest people...There is BZee, the most GAYEST (I know it's wrong, just doing this for emphasis), who thought he was deceiving me about his sexuality at first...Abi did he see feeding bottle in my mouth? Sha he finally admitted the truth yesterday; Not that he had to tell me, because we had a whole discussion about shoes, and he has the most effeminate gestures ever, so my gaydar was tingling! He is actually the sweetest person ever, and he has changed some of my perceptions about gay people (Just being honest here, don't hate). Then, there is SK, who basically told me his whole life story within 10 minutes of our knowing each other...I don't know if I have something on my forehead that makes people want to tell me everything; maybe I should become a therapist? Anyway I digress. SK is really nice as well, but he has been delighting in giving me excess information, and I doubt both of them know what personal space, but it's cool 'cos they're nice.

I got the weirdest call on wednesday. Some dude called me up, and after speaking unintelligibly for some time, he asked me who was speaking. How do you call someone and ask them who's speaking? I promptly hung up. The same dude called with a different number, then proceeded to tell me my name and tell me how I gave him my number earlier that day. Seeing as I had been busy with work all day, and I had not given any one my number that day, I had to wonder what was going on. Of course I told the dude I did no such thing. I though the episode was over, but noooo... The idiot decided to keep texting me. Finally I asked the moron to to tell me his identity and stop bugging me; apparently that was a bad thing to do. This idiot is gonna call me, all emotional, talking about how I'm a tease; that I probably just go around giving ppl my # and he basically ended up implying dat I was a ho. Lekwanu mu ihu nsogbu...For that, I basically gave him a prescription for some balls and told him to quickly lose my number. I'm not a rude person...he just ticked me off, and he picked the worst moment to do it too...I was very stressed out at the time! By the way, I still don't know it was.

Make una hold me oh...I will soon kill somebody for this country. The soon-to-be victim is this overgrown moron whom I'll call pO. This useless idiot is a frickin' pervert, and I've been trying to ignore him but over the last week he really has been stomping on my last nerve. He's my friends' friend, he always kinda got on my nerves; you know all these local champions who think they're the s**t but really aren't? That's pO right there. Anyways, this dude has developed an obsession with each of the aforementioned friends, but now he's really obsessed with one of them, A. The idiot has been calling A's phone and making obscene statements like "When I get you alone I will deal with you...I will f*** u till ur a** tears." That already put me off; I hate such people. This man is married with a child, but he has left his wife and child in 9ja so that he -in his words- can "enjoy life and play around". That's not my issue though. Last week he went overboard, physically hurting her. If I had not stepped into the house when I had, I probably would have been dealing with a case of rape. Now given my history, you can understand why he is particularly revolting to me can't you? He knows I detest him too, 'cos everytime he sees me now he always asks me why I hate him (Like he does not know)....It's on! He just messed with the wrong one...

Moving on from that idiot (I swear he puts me in a terrible state of mind)....My daddy decided to help me out. Yay! Now I'm car hunting....hoping I get one soon.

After all the craziness of this week, I'm just glad it's friday...at least I can rest a little bit. Okay I take that back...I haven't really done any studying this week so I will definitely be immersed in my books.

Well, I'm off to listen to some mellow music and enjoy my evening...the studying can resume tomorrow. Have a lovely evening people!

On Relationships....

2008-06-14T21:11:00.000-05:00

Hi ppl! Taking a break from my infernal MCAT studying, so o course I had to come do what makes me happy: Blog!
Lately, I've begun to notice that I'm receiving some attention. This is extremely weird for me 'cos I've always been the one who couldn't care less about her appearance, the tomboy, one of the guys. This is simply because I grew up with a whole lotta males and I tried so hard to emulate them...my father despaired while I was growing up, always saying that it seemed he'd been stuck with four sons instead of three. There's a little change now, thanks to some determined friends and aunts (they still haven't gotten to my inner tomboy; they just think they have ;) ). Neways, I stray from the subject.
I feel the same, I mean I haven't changed...still the semi-nerdy, roly poly olie, not the most attractive girl in the bunch. The only thing that I've changed in the past month is that I'm now wearing contacts instead of glasses, and I don't believe that made such a dramatic change in my appearance. The worst thing is, I seemed to be asked out by the wrongest people; I'm not being shallow here, nothing to do with looks either; case in point: the latest "winner" is some dude whose idea of complimenting a girl is giving her an extra piece of bacon in her burger; bacon, I might add, that he has burnt horribly! See what I'm working with here?
Honestly, I know nothing about relationships. I have NEVER been in a relationship, never been kissed (I kid you not, unless you count a chaste peck on the cheek from my crush as a kiss), and obviously a virgin. I'm not weird or anything, I just had a love-hate relationship with men. Truth is I was molested as a child....and twice for that matter.

You know what, I will have to continue this later. I really have to go. I will be back to continue this soon though.

Random...

2008-06-09T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hey people!

Been away for a while again...sorry abeg, I've just been involved in intense studying for my MCAT...I'll be taking it in august, so I'm trying to get serious. I shall get there one day oh...Ami.

I just got an internship that I've been hoping and praying I'd get. Thank God. Now I'm trying to see if I can sweet talk my dad into getting me a car. Nothing big you see; just a lil' sumn to take me from point A to point B. I've been taking my driving lessons faithfully, so don't worry, the civilians are safe. I'm tired of catching the bus and dealing with all the kolo people I seem to be meeting there daily.

Speaking of that....I seem to be meeting all kinds of characters these days because of that bus. Just last week, a lady got on the bus and sat across from me. She noticed I was reading an MCAT biology book and apparently decided that qualified me as a doctor. This woman proceeded to chronicle every ache and pain she had encountered for the past ten years while asking what she should do about them. Abegi, see me see wahala. She said she was on her way to her doctor, so I tried to get her to keep her questions for the doctor. I mean, any one I knew something about, I'd help out with, but still. To make matters worse, we were headed in the same direction, so after getting off the bus, I still had to endure about 20 more minutes of her company...she walked extra slow and scolded me if I started to walk faster...I be her pikin?

Then there's the old man on my street who is stalking me. He makes sure he is on the porch at the time I'll pass by his house, and last time he decided to tell me he even knows my routine. I even stayed an hour late last time to throw him off, but no luck. I don de hold pepper spray oh...I don't trust him.

If I continue today, I won't even finish. To add insult to injury, the stupid bus passes by each route once every hour, and stops running at 6pm.

I'm off to go speak with popsie. Wish me luck!

No Dogs Allowed...

2008-05-23T13:13:00.000-05:00

First of all, sorry I've been away for a bit...I don't have internet at home at the moment, so I am doomed to only using internet while at work (it's just an on-campus job, so no biggies)...the thing too get wahala sha.

After my terrible experience with a terrible (and huge) dog in the neighbourhood, I have decided that this sign shall be posted on the door of my apartment, and if possible, carried around on my person. I mean, can't I walk home in peace? I was almost hit by a car while trying to dodge this dog that nearly jumped over the fence to attack me. I know what I'm about to say sounds morbid, but seriously, wetin they for write for my obituary? "Na dog kill am?" God forbid bad thing!

Anyways, I decided that to explain why I have this deep rooted fear of dogs. It dates back, almost like everything horrible in my life, to boarding school. Seriously, almost everything horrible in my life ties back to boarding school or some educational institution. Neways, back to the story.

On this fateful day, in 1998, I woke up a happy JSS 2 student, innocently singing my songs, doing my chores and getting ready to go to class. We had some water scarcity then and if you didn't get water from out of town, you probably wouldn't have enough water to take care of important matters. The seniors in my dorm had decided to implement a "serving" system whereby juniors were assigned to senior students and had to do everything for them: fetch them water, lay their beds, wash their dishes, carry their books to class...you get the picture. Unfortunately for me, I was assigned to the most wicked senior in the dorm whom I shall call R.

R always delighted in making my life hell. That is just a story for another day though....I'll never get to the point at this rate! On this fine harmattan morning, I was enjoying myself like I said, until R summoned me to her corner. Apparently, she didn't get the water I had fetched her the previous day (that I carried for a long distance, with chest pain, I wasn't supposed to be doing that), so my reward that morning was 1 hot slap, orders to go get her water, and promises of more punishment after school that afternoon (Story of my life).

So, I set off with my iron bucket (R would never give me a bucket!) to fetch water from the well near our principal's house. Our principal had 5 dogs, and our vice principal had 1 demented dog that was worse than all the 5 dogs put together. I got to the well and started trying to get a little water out...the well was so dry! When I finally managed to get 3/4 of a bucket full, I was preparing to carry the water to the dorm (I was so skinny, It took preparation), when I heard a low growl. I still carried the water and started walking as fast as possible away from there...I didn't want to face R's wrath. Then I heard like footsteps and I broke into a run...

All 6 dogs were chasing me! I finally figured screw R and flung away the bucket and REALLY ran...even my sandal were thrown away... I fell into a gutter, scraped my knees and elbows, and still had one dog knock me down and stand inches away from my face....I was terrified! Luckily, after that they all left, but that scarred me for life...since then I've been deathly scared of dogs.

To add insult to injury, I got to the dorm and R gave me one more slap for not fetching her water (she didn't care about the bruises I was carrying), and she spent the whole afternoon giving me every imaginable corporal punishment from "think about your boyfriend" to "agama agama" to "pick pin." I just had a rough day.

Now you all see where I'm coming from eh? How can you now blame me for wanting to put up my sign...I'll probably also play the "No Dogs Allowed" song from Snoopy (I know, cartoon addict).

I have to go my people, if not my bus will leave me. Enjoy your weekend!

Ka Odi Nu

Tag....I'm It!

2008-05-09T10:13:00.000-05:00

Original mgbeke, I now understand that you really like to learn about people...lol. Well, I've been tagged people and here are the rules...

Rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you
2. Mention the rules in your blog
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

Chei, wat will I now say...I pretty much said everything in my "about me" post. Here it goes:

6 Quirks...
1. I cannot stand broken noodles. I know this is weird, but whenever I make noodles, I don't break them or I won't eat it. My friends just let me make my own noodles now :)

2. I have to have all the necessary stationary when going to class. I hate drawing a line without a ruler, and I hate being in math or physics without a calculator. My friends think I'm so weird because of that....I always have reserves just to make sure I'm not in a "situation" ...It has helped the friends in question numerous times too.

3. I frequently burst into song....in boarding school this got me in soooo much trouble. I can't help it though....when I'm happy, I sing; when I'm sad, I sing; after crying, I sing; In the shower, during a lecture....you get the picture!

4. I hate it when people tell me I listen to "White music". So music has race? Just because I have great taste in music...

5. I'm very much afraid of dogs! I'd rather take an exceedingly long route to my destination if it means I'll avoid coming in contact with a dog. My encounter with 5 dogs in boarding school scarred me for life. Ironically, the neighborhood I live in is Dogville, USA. Ndi Ocha and their "children", always striking fear in my heart...my days of leisurely evening strolls are over...*sigh*

6. I keep my schoolwork exceedingly neat...I can't stand looking at shabby notes...I'd rather take the time out to rewrite my notes and have it looking acceptable to me. My room, on the other hand, is best described as an "organized jungle." It's very messy, but I know where everything is. My friends and family find it amazing that I can keep schoolwork so neat, but can't do the same with my room...they've given up....

Well, thats all. That was actually more difficult than I thought it would be.

Disclaimer: I don't have OCD, and I'm not neurotic. I just like things to be done in a certain way.

:)

Emm....I tag aphrodite, because she's the only one that I know who hasn't been tagged.

About Me...

2008-05-06T14:31:00.000-05:00

I'm the biggest fan of blogs, although I usually love to read them...I spend countless hours lazily living vicariously through others! Seeing as I have decided to become one of the ones typing instead of reading, I thought it would be best to introduce myself first.

I just thought I'd try to describe myself...I usually can't do this 'cos I just don't feel that comfortable with it...In fact, I usually avoid all the "about me" sections 'cos I hate having to describe myself; I feel others should just get to know me and form opinions for themselves. Anyways,I'm doing this 'cos I feel it'll help me assess how I truly perceive myself. So, here it goes: I love to read and I love music. My taste in practically everything can be best described as eclectic. I'm loud sometimes, and I'm talkative, but only around people I really know. I used to be really shy , but i think I'm really overcoming that. I am not afraid to ask questions, because I need to have a clear understanding of whatever is being discussed. I've been told I'm a good listener; I don't think I'm the best person to give out advice though. If you need to vent though, I'm all ears. I get bored easily, and I constantly try to think of new thing to do. I've tried everything from learning the Greek and Hebrew alphabets to Origami (which I wasn't very good at!). I'm thinking of scrapbooking now. I wish I could speak more languages, and I really want to learn how to speak French and Mandarin (and maybe Spanish 'cos it would come in handy).
I have discovered that I actually like reading poetry, and I try to write some poetry as well. I daydream a lot (I've been told a lot of times that I'm in my own little world!). I love word games and card games. I never learned how to ride a bike. I still can't drive. I'm scared of the dark...I have to have some kind of light on somewhere! I get a bit paranoid sometimes. I don't have a lot of close friends, but those I do have I'm fiercely loyal to, and I cherish them. I HATE crying in front of people. When I get really mad, tears fill my eyes (Not crying, they're just there). The weirdest things irritate me (and I scratch when I'm irritated): Wrinkled soybean skin, a swarm of bees/cluster of ants, (oh I'm all itchy now, gotta stop)... I've finally accepted that I'm a hopeless romantic (Hence my whole dream man wait). I have a bit of a temper sometimes, but I'm working on it. I get stressed about little things, and occasionally I get obsessed with the little details. I've been told that I'm an overachiever and a perfectionist, and I disagree with the second, but I'm perfectly fine with the first. I'm such a procrastinator, but I'm working on that too. I can be stubborn, and very opinionated about some issues. I'm not the best person to talk to about politics. I love cartoons! Everyone tells me I'm too old for them, but I feel that everyone has to be in touch with their inner child. I love to eat and experiment with different foods. I love my culture and am very proud of my roots (1000 percent omo naija!) I secretly want to be a writer/musician/star, but I'm a private person (don't let the blog deceive you) and would hate to have my privacy intruded on. I have an overactive imagination and I'm an idealist. I get hurt more easily than people think. I'm an introvert (except with my close friends), but people think otherwise. Believe me, people don't know half of what they think they know about me.
Okay, enough of the ranting...guess you all know me now , even gave out some pretty useless information...will update this list much later on...

Ka Odi nu....(Oh I forgot to tell you that I can speak my language perfectly, but I cannot write it to save my life...forgive any blunders!)