Dear 2011

You have been an interesting year, for lack of a better word. I deferred putting up a post earlier on because I was just filled with so much negativity.

2011, you started on a wrong note. I don't think I remember ever entering a new year just filled with so much anger and sadness...the worst thing about it? I couldn't explain why I was overreacting to the littlest things that in hindsight, weren't even supposed to warrant so much emotional investment.

Could it be because I was dealing with feelings of continued inferiority, like certain people had previously placed me on this pedestal, this ridiculously high place that I couldn't possibly acheive, and it seemed like they were finally beginning to see the truth?
Could it be because this holiday felt like all the joy had been sucked out of my house?? Who knows.

Anyway, as you progressed it just seemed things got worse...I was witnessing my family starting to disintegrate; the tape hastily placed over the cracks at our seams has slowly been coming off...my parents might as well be married in name only. For the first time I saw my dad have an emotional outburst related to this, and for him to say the things he said...I was amazed. I didn't know what to say, and the worst part is that I didn't know how to explain that I didn't agree with what he was saying (but that's for another post).

I lost some people that I least expected I would, I got increasly depressed, I damaged my relationship for God, and I'm fighting to get it back. I also started doing very bad in school, just because I wasn't working hard; seems like I lost all motivation and drive.

However, you have been surprising me greatly recently...it's like the whole time I was shaking my fist angrily at you, you were working hard undercover and shaking your head at my impatience and stupidity.

I've gone from failing and almost being put on an extended curriculum, to passing all but one class last unti, which just happened to be the most challenging one for me.

I didn't lose my baby cousin, even though we had such a bad scare...we thought he wouldn't live past his 1st birthday.

I've had been randomly walk up to me and pay me compliments and just generally make me feel cherished. Most importantly I've had the importance of making me happy re-impressed upon me. I've had less problems with people, and I'm not so down these days. I'm also in the fight to get right with God again =)

So, even though things aren't completely great on the home front, I'm not as worried anymore...and even though not everything is ideal, I'm not worried. Why? Because, my dear 2011, there's a good track record developing here. The most important lesson you've taught me: to grow up. You've infused some more much needed maturity in me, and you've put a little bit more resilience in me.

So even though I didn't think I would, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm happy I waited to post this. I like our path, and I hope it continue to be exactly this way, with more lessons learned.

Daalu!

P.S Forgive any blunders, typing from my phone...just needed to unburden my mind...will be back soonest =)

Mini Update

Hey everyone!

Sorry I've been away for so long; Been busier than I thought I'd be....actually scratch that, because I haven't been as busy as I ought to be.

I've been reading blogs, just haven't had the energy to comment. I apologize for that.

Truth is, I've been feeling so out of it; I feel very unlike my usual self. It's like I've been in a persistent funk; I know that I have a temper, but these days seems like it's triggered much more easily. My emotions just feel so volatile!
I don't mean to sound so depressing, just been feeling that way, and it's so annoying because I can't explain what the problem is. Hope I get over this self-pity fest soon.

It's not all doom and gloom here though. On the bright side, I'm still not a roadside tomato seller...I haven't aced anything, but I'm no longer failing any classes, and I hope to keep things that way. It's weird though that I was so freaked out about Anatomy and it's turning out to be the class that I'm performing pretty well in. Just goes to show that you never know hey??

I hope to be back in full -and happy - simplegal form soon. To make up for my absence, I'll leave you with my latest ''poem'' (now that I think of it, it's kinda depressing too):

I stand before you
Looking at you
Seeing you looking at me
But I wonder if you see me;
Your forehead is puckered
With a look of concentration
But I still wonder if you see me

What face do your wear today?
I never really can tell
Are you wearing your Rose tinted glasses
That color your world, and me, in flowery shades,
Shades I don't see to be me

Or are you wearing your cracked glasses
That distort your view
magnifying my flaws,
double vision creating false copies
Of what you think be to be

I stand before you
Wondering what runs through your mind
Seeing you look at, and yet through me
Wondering how you do not see
The splintered pices oof my person

And while I watch you
Trying to figure you out
I wish that while you look through me
You would see the repeated thought,
Hear the replaying refrain of my thoughts:

Can you look,
Could you see,
Would you truly let me be?
Do you hear
Do you percieve
The true essence that is
Me?

Like I said, sorry, a bit depressing, hope to be back to happy Simplegal soon.

Ka Odi nu

P.S Forgive any grammatical blunders; tired and typing this from my phone.

Yayyyy!!!!

I passed my anatomy exam! I barely made it over the pass mark, but the most important thing is that I passed =) Thanks for being so supportive y'all!

I still went ahead and got a tutor for both subjects, just to make sure I'm getting all the help I need. I also went to see both professors (well since I failed the other subject I didn't have much of a choice), and we went over the papers and made corrections, and they gave me tips for studying and improving in this current unit.
I felt a little bad though, coz the professor I was assigned to for my failing grade was my advisory dean, and I did the worst in his section (which was actually the easiest section on the test, I just made some REALLY stupid mistakes).

Anyhoos, I just stopped by really quick to update. I have to go play catch up so I can actually have genuine questions to ask my tutor, and not look like a complete DUNCE in anatomy lab tomorrow.

Ka Odi Nu

P.S I've noticed my few posts seem to be centered around school and it's stress...I gotta change this! I'll be updating soon with the story of my adorable Italian crush....

Not A Good Look...

...so far. Haven't gotten all my results (anatomy). What I did get was not good. I failed :(

I had to wait to post this coz I was not having a good day yesterday. Anyways, I've cried it outta my system, and I'm trying to focus on not being weighed down by this, and doing my best to improve in this new unit. I just wish my anatomy teacher would post the grades already....

I'll be back to update fully when I get my other grade.

Jishi nu ike.

Whew!

I made it through my unit 1 exam. Now if only I can get to the 70% pass mark, especially for Anatomy. Guess I'll know in a little bit.

Full update coming soon. Now gotta go sleep, crashing after one too many Red Bulls.

Ka Odi Nu.

Aargh!

This day is driving me crazy! Had to endure two of the worst lectures ever this morning (I usually learn when I go to class, but I certainly will not be attending this particular professor's lecture any more!). I have gotten to the point where - like Sting said I probably would - I'm asking what I got myself into; this is just week 2, mind you. On the bright side, I haven't gotten to my ''roadside tomato seller'' point, lol.

My parents/younger brother decided to make me some kind of family mediator, and I've been having to deal with that. On top of that, the stupid, disorganized peeps at my lil bro's school seem to think I'm some stand in parent or something, and they keep blowing up my phone....urgh! So do not need that!

Sorry, just had to have a mini-venting session. I'll be back in regular form soon...okay now back to the pleura and the lungs!!

Ka Odi Nu!!

Good News!

I know I owe you all my good news. I haven't been able to post because I've been busy packing.

I just moved to NY! It's wonderful being at home, being pampered, and just plain enjoying myself =) I'm still trying to adjust though. New Yorkers are a whole 'nother breed, especially for lil ole me who has lived in the south since I came to this country.

My reason for the move, and my second piece of good news: I got into med school!!! I've been slowly losing my mind, trying to get everything organized, but I've never been so happy to do so! In about two and a half weeks, yours truly can officially be called an MS I. I'll probaly be asking myself why I didn't just become a roadside tomato seller in a few weeks (like I always do when school stresses me out), but for now, I'm just happy.

So my people, pls do a celebratory dance for me today. Shout halle- with me. Share my testimony with me =). And thank you for all your support!

Okay now it's back to e-mailing, faxing, and purchasing.

Ka Odi nu.