When It Rains, It Pours....

Just when I'd started out the week on a good note, just when I thought things were taking a turn for the better, everything is just taking a turn for the worse.

School issues back at the forefront...insurance cancelled without telling me, so now have to go through a whole lotta mess with DMV...Roommate about to bail on me 2 days before we're set to move in. What am I supposed to do? I'm just quite stressed.

In the midst of all this craziness, I get the worst news of all...my uncle died on Monday night. I'm so sad that he went through all that suffering and died still suffering. Fate couldn't even afford him a peaceful death. I'm so sad and just can't even get my head toghether to properly write about it.

I haven't cried about it. Maybe I really do have a heart of stone. People I know die and I don't cry. People I don't know cry and I don't cry either. Last time I had a shift at the ER for school and while there, a baby died right in front of me. Right after I helped do compressions on her tiny chest. People around me were crying but I just had dry eyes. The ER doc was so so worried about me because it was the first time I'd ever seen a person die, and a baby too? I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

I need to get my head out of this space. I haven't been able to focus or keep my head straight. So much for maximizing the week for study till I had to get back to school.

This, too, surely has to pass.

Ka Odi Nu

It Sure Has Been A While...

I don't know if I should continue to apologize...I realized today that I've had this blog for 4 years and yet somehow have never made it to the post goal that I had initially wanted: 100 posts *smh, such an epic fail* For the 1 or 2 people who still care to read, despite my sporadic posts, I apologize! Forgive me please!


I had to take a break and decided to put up a little post to de-stress, because I've been under an incredible amount of stress. Sources of stress: MEDICAL SCHOOL and friends/family.


I'd told myself I wouldn't post by whining about school stress (I'm sure this sentence sounds oh so very familiar by now), but it's taking over my life! I feel like every other sentence out of my mouth these days is a complaint, and at least 90% of the complaints are about school. I'm happy that I survived 2nd year, though barely due to a mix of a severe bout of a viral illness and a crazy pathology shelf exam. Someone up there must REALLY love me though, because I sure did make it!

Now the latest craziness is my STEP1 exam. I'm so ridiculously stressed, have the date for now set pretty soon, KNOW I'm not ready. I tried to reschedule but some people at my clinical campus for 3rd year are just not working with me at all. After all, according to one of the head honchos over there, "there are so many things you can do in general practice with a passing grade, and if you fail, you have till next year to provide us a passing grade." Really though? How do you know I want to go into general practice? Way to work on crushing a person's spirit there ma'am. I'm just trying really hard not to worry about it, but kinda hard though when your whole FUTURE is on the line. Oh well, waiting to see what will happen, will found out by Wednesday. Please keep me in your prayers!

It's been a semi-crazy summer with the line-up of pure kolo including, but not limited to: kidnapped relative; being turned down for loan application thrice (this, by the way, is after the scholarship money I was supposed to get mysteriously couldn't be gotten any more...person processing it attacked by thieves, money mysteriously missing from the agency supposed to provide it- *smh* at Nigerian involvement); a very close relative on the verge of death because apparently the Nigerian doctors have sent him home to die with a belly full of ascites, edema, and all kinds of other problems...b/c they are "out of space/options". Even if he is terminal, ever here of palliative care? Don't get me started on that though...can go all day on that, and I just can't afford to be depressed right now; Best friend ever being set up by someone, currently going through hell with immigration/legal/financial battle - feel horrible because I can't even help in any way - story for another time.

Yeah, it's been a kinda rough summer. Sorry if I sound like I immersed in self pity, but I haven't talked about it all summer with anyone, I just needed to unburden. I was chatting with a friend the other day and his biggest issue was about this girl that he likes and had kinda asked out but didn't know what to do. I know it sounds petty, but all I could think was "Really dude, that's your BIGGEST problem right now?" Really I just couldn't. Okay so maybe part of it had to do with the fact that said dude has been toying with my emotions for the longest and yet expects me to be the happiest for him. Really? Oh well, story for another day.

So I have just indulged in some long awaited - on my part - logorrhea. I feel so much better!

Ka Odi nu

P.S I have to say a BIG thank you to this amazing lady: Madame Sting I don't know how I would kept my sanity these last few days without her encouragement :)

P.P.S Can someone teach me how to audioblog? I'm thinking that might help me in those times when I want to blog, but am too lazy/tired to. Pretty please?

P.P.P.S I'll get out of my depressive funk soon. I hope. I just need to get through this present kolo