A problem...I have an addiction and I don't know what to do.
I'm tired of being steeped in denial; I'm tired of justifying it; I'm tired of internalizing and finding ways to suppress my feelings of guilt.
Lately, the tightly placed covers can not hold it in anymore; they are starting to bow to the pressure. Slowly this thing is creeping out, seeping into the other well ordered aspects of my life and tainting them. My boundaries are no longer clearly defined, they have been disturbed in the worst way possibly.
My denial can longer find explanations for a complete loss of common sense; I can no longer explain jeopardizing things that should have a higher priority, things I worked hard for, for that matter.
I thought I'd gotten through this...why is my will not strong enough??! I'm so conflicted about this.
I have an addiction, and I don't know what to do.
Is it selfish then, or self-defeating that I'm too ashamed to talk about this still? I guess I need to write this out, to face myself with this truth so I can stop internalizing it and lying to myself.
I'm sorry I can't really talk about it yet. I don't have my journal right now, and this is the next best thing.
