Love You Baby.

Three little words. Not that important right? How much of an impact could they have? Probably not much, right? The answers to these questions are still pending.

Why are these words worth a blog post, you ask? First off, because I saw them in a text message from someone whom I know has an exceptionally hard time expressing himself emotionally -especially if it is a romantic emotion - to anyone: my dad.

Secondly, aforementioned text message was sent, NOT to my mum, but to another woman living in another country, heck another continent. Stranger still, this message was a reply to one from said lady telling him 2 numbers to contact with and a passcode. there was nothing else in her 'cryptic' text.

For the last couple of hours, I have tried to convince myself otherwise, and I've tried to come up with reasons why such an exchange was on my dad's phone. "Someone used his cell phone." "It's some relative of ours, I just don't know her." "I'm completely misreading this situation."
Try as hard as I might though, I haven't been able to satisfactorily say that my proposed answers are the right ones for my question.

Stranger still, why was my dad telling this woman where he went for the weekend and when he'd be back? He didn't even tell us that. Furthermore, who took the pictures of him smiling on the tourist boat at the place he went to this weekend.

I'll cut to the chase. I need someone to tell me that my father is not cheating on my mum. I need someone to tell me this because I don't know what I'll do if it's true. If such a thing has happened, I don't know how I'm going to hold the already fragile and destabilized pieces of myself together. And my mum's emotional and physical state it about 100x worse than mine is, so I don't even want to think about that.

We just came back - my dad and I - from the ER where I've been all day with my mum. She's really ill, and no one will tell me what's wrong with her. And everyone that called today has blamed me or accused me of standing by and watching my mum slowly die. Needless to say, it was a long silent walk home. My dad knows something is wrong with me, but he thinks it's just b/c mum is in the hospital.

This has been the worst ending to a day EVER. And the most painful thing is I can't talk to the two people I'd ordinarily talk to about it. I'm really hurt right now, and my heart it hurting, and I'm trying really hard - unsuccessfully - not to cry.

I'll stop rambling. I don't no what else to say.

Tired

I must apologize first of all, been away too long and this definitely isn't how I planned to break the silence.

I feel sooo tired right now...my break so far has definitely NOT proceeded according to plan. All I've had to deal with is a whole bunch of drama; everyone seems to be avoiding/not talking to everyone else. It's so tiring.
And you know how it is when you live with your parents: you love them but they drive you crazy. I'm certainly living proof of that. My dad especially...Lord bless that man though.

Currently tired because I have been waiting in this ER for like 5 hours now, my mum is sick. And boy, is my mum a stubborn woman! Just realized that recently. That a whole post coming up just for my mama.

Also tired of nobody telling me anything. So I just found out my dad was hit by a car not too long ago and nobody told anyone. My dad barely got himself to tell my mum. Seriously?? I get more frustrated when people bring up things I wasn't told about in conversation like I should know about it. I get even more frustrated when said conversation is a lecture on things I've apparently done wrong.

I'm tired of death. I feel like one to many people I know have died within the last 2 years. It is just that the older you get, the more people you know, so the more people you know die? I can't understand it, and this was a theory I tried to use to explain it. My friend's dad died not too long ago. He was just buried on Friday, just 2 days before father's day. I was sad for her yesterday. I tried to imagine how she felt, being on Facebook, reading all those messages. I realized that it's so easy to tell someone to not think about death, to tell them to ''celebrate the life'' of their late loved one, but it really is easier said than done *heavy sigh*

I'm tired of this feeling of sadness, of unaccomplishment that seems to be afflicting almost everyone in my house. It's like a dark cloud, like in cartoons when rain falls over one house when the sun is shining everywhere else.

I'm just really tired.

Ka odi nu.