A Poem….

Thanks everyone for cheering me up, and leaving words of encouragement after my long-winded rant. LG, Mizchif, Roc, NDQ, Buttercup, and Bibi, I appreciate you all!

So, I was gonna regale you with some nice, funny post or story but I'm in school and my mind is not functioning properly right now. I decided to share one of my attempts at writing poetry with you instead (coz it's saved on my computer anyway). Be warned, it's a little depressing.

So here it goes:

P.L.M.

I changed my hue for you, Stuck fingers where they shouldn't go, Cut ties I didn't want to; I starved myself for you, Sacrificed my dignity for you, and lost touch with my true identity. The scars on my heart Became little scars on my wrists But I claimed they were paper cuts; In return, you belittled me, Stripped me of my confidence, and reduced me to nothingness. All the while I sent little notes, through my words and actions That you never seemed to receive. I'm not intelligent enough for you, Not pretty enough, and Not resourceful enough; I know I'm flawed to you, but once, just once, could you read between my lines? Could you read the notes I sent they all say the same thing; three little words repeated throughout: Please   Love      Me.   Erm…yeah. So I'm about to head out to class. I'll have something better posted soon k? Sai anjuma.

10 Honest Things About Me

I just realized today that I never did get around to doing this meme that Buttercup tagged me to do, so I'll do it now. (Plus honestly, I'm having a bad day and any other thing I write about will probably be extremely depressing).

1. I am the biggest procrastinator there ever was. I put off things till the last minute then I get stressed out about them. Not a good trait.

2. I am a chronic worrier. I remember a professor once asked me if I actually sleep at night coz I worry too much about things. In addition, I get caught in the little details too often (especially with academics)

3. I have serious anger management problems. I used to get angry ALL the time, and I felt like I had all this anger just pent up inside. I'm happy I'm improving a little, but I feel like the silliest little things set me off.

4. I LOVE cartoons, books, music, and food. These are my favorite things in the world. I love to try new food combinations especially. My favorite weird food combo: Bread and noodle sandwiches.

5.I am a certified klutz. My classmates and friends have dozens of stories about me falling or bumping to something. The worst was when I apparently left skid marks after falling in a corridor in high school. I always have to think of where I'm going and walk carefully if I don't want to humiliate myself.

6.I'm scared of getting into a relationship. I have self esteem issues sometimes, and I think I'm scared that I'll be inadequate. I have some residual fear from my days of being molested too. For now, I hold onto my romantic dreams I guess.

7. I cry over weird things and at weird times. I can't cry at a funeral, but I'll cry when I feel I've not done as well as I can with a personal goal. I think when I'm truly deeply hurt, I just hold it inside; this is a practice I started in my childhood.

8. I'm obsessed with earrings! I could be looking all raggedy (coz I don't have much of a fashion sense), but I have to have some nice earrings.

9. I have an overactive imagination. I have all these scenarios and conversations playing in my head a lot of times. My mind is always busy.

10. Family is very important to me. You mess with my family and you've messed with me big time.


That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...I actually enjoyed it a little I think.

Kam kwuo eziokwu...

The title just means "Let me tell the truth." I just felt like speaking igbo this morning!

I'm back with the answers to my 2 truths, 1 lie meme.

1. I once got suspended and had my hair cut in high school for being a bully.
Many you guessed this was the lie. Unfortunately, this is true. I have an explanation though. In boarding school (bane of my existence) I got really mad at this one girl for stealing my money, which was desperately needed at the time, and then repeatedly denying it, until we found out she commited the theft. I went off on her, and in the spirit of jungle justice, some of my mates joined my in 'administering punishment' (I cringe at this term now).
The girl claimed that we made her sleep in the locker room and she fell and got a deep gash that required stitches. I was not listened to at all, the school administration termed me and three other girls as bullies, and our vice prinicpal at the time (very wicked, hers is a story for another day) decided that her form of punishment was to cut my hair. Eish this story is becoming too long; basically I got my beautiful long hair cut, and got suspended for a weekend "because I was usually a good girl."

2. I have a temper problem, and when I'm angry, I have a potty mouth.
This, too, is true. I have a bit of a temper, and for some strange reason, the cuss words just jump out when I'm really steamed. I'm working on it very hard though; I hate this aspect of my character.

3. I'm very good at masking my emotions. You won't know what's going on with me unless I choose to tell you.

Obviously, this is the lie. I've always been told that what I feel is always so clearly written on my face. I working on this too, because this makes me feel so vulnerable, and I don't particularly like that feeling.

Standtall, welldone! What present do you want? Buttercup, thanks for believeing that I'm a good girl :) Rethots, you are slick! You didn't give an answer though, so you're disqualified.

Sai anjuma.

P.S Please head over to here to nominate your favorite Naija bloggers for the Naija Bloggers Awards 2009, and meet other naija bloggers too!

8,037 days ago...

In a little hospital in Yaba, Lagos, a very special and beautiful girl was born. She was doted on by her proud parents and her affectionate brothers. Today, 22 years later, she is still as special and beautiful as she was from the beginning.

Okay, so maybe that last part wasn't so true, but I'm trying :)

I must thank God though for keeping me to see my 22nd year...it's been quite a journey so far, and I cannot wait to see what this new chapter of my life will bring. I'm having an awesome day so far...I'm feeling the love from friends and family. My brother outdid himself AGAIN, it's like he just knows what I want, and he gets that for me, even with some jara!

It's just the beggining of the day, and I sure am looking forward to the rest of it! Happy Birthday to me!!

Ka Odi nu.

P.S I will have the results for the meme some time this weekend or next week...interesting guesses so far!

2 Truths, One Lie

I was tagged by Beulah! to do this meme, and I'm finally doing it. Here I go:

1. I once got suspended and had my hair cut in high school for being a bully.
2. I have a temper problem, and when I'm angry, I have a potty mouth.
3. I'm very good at masking my emotions. You won't know what's going on with me unless I choose to tell you.

I'm pretty sure it'll be very easy to figure out which one is the lie! Ehm...I don't tag anybody. Practically everyone I know has been tagged!

Nodi nu ofuma.

On the 8,019th Day of My Life:

I missed my mum a lot.
I felt so lonely.
I realized that I was so broke that I had only less than $5 in my account, but I wasn’t worried because I knew something great was coming my way (and payday is almost here too!)
I wished I could get the nerve to really confront one of my friends about her bad behavior; it keeps getting worse, and I feel tangled in her web of lies.
I thought about another day when I had been walking to my car in the parking lot, and a guy stopped me to tell me I was beautiful. No toasting, no ulterior motives; he just made my day!
I thought about how much work I had to do in the coming weekend.
I wondered why some people never took anything serious. I wondered if I was a buzzkill, and why I took things too seriously sometimes.
I was annoyed with an overbearing uncle of mine.
I had lustful thoughts about someone’s butt (it was perfect, I tell you).
I resolved to definitely be more honest with myself.
I wondered if I was crushing on one of my close friends in secret. I really missed aforementioned friend.
I seriously wondered about what statements to come up with for the 2T/1L meme
I realized that February is almost here, and that means my birthday is almost here as well
I ate some Indomie noodles (It’s been a while, so this was a very important part of my day!)
I jammed to music by D’Banj, Timaya, and J. Martins.
I spoke to a friend that I hadn’t spoken to in a while.
I watched Brother Bear 2 and Mulan again.
I tried to refrain from choking some very annoying girls in my class.
I wondered why I talked to myself a lot, even going as far as having whole conversations with myself sometimes.
I wondered where I’d be, and what I’d be doing 9 months from now.
I thought about my life.

As you can probably tell by now, I really didn’t have much to write, so I decided to tell you about what I did/thought yesterday!
Nodi nu ofuma.

Hometown Glory...

Round my hometown, memories are fresh
Round my hometown, the people I’ve met
Are the wonders of my world (2x)
Are the wonders of this world
-Adele, Hometown Glory.

I was listening to Adele’s Hometown Glory (I love Adele, she’s so talented), where she lauds her hometown. She seems to be so PROUD of her hometown and its people, and I can’t help but feel a little sad when I listen to it. It’s a wonderful song, and I love it, but it just serves to remind me of how much the case is the opposite for me. I hate my hometown (okay so maybe hate is too strong a word, so I guess I should say strongly dislike)!
For such a small place, such malice and hatred, and just general wickedness seem to come out of it in great amounts. Where do I even begin? Do I start with the men of my father’s family whose legacies are predominantly infidelity, drunkenness, and abuse? It seems sometimes that I get a daily report of some cousin or uncle or another committing one ‘abomination’ or the other. The men of my hometown in particular scare me, and this is why I’ve vowed I’ll never marry someone from that place.
All my aunts and women I know that are married to someone from that place all have the same complaints: they complain of the deep emotional abuse, the physical abuse sometimes, the way these men reduce their worth to nothingness. I’ve had one of these women tell me that her husband told her she’s nothing but a money and baby-making machine. Imagine that?! This woman is also beat by her husband AND his family, and she does all the work while he relaxes. My aunt just came back from a visit home after about 10 yrs in this country. Naturally, she stayed with her husband’s family, and the things she told me they said and did to her still bring tears to my eyes.
The women cannot be excluded from the wickedness pervading this town either. They delight in gossiping and bringing others down. The worst, however, are the ones who give you a huge smile then proceed to stick a knife in your back. I know how true this is coz I’ve watched and heard my mum be a victim for so many years. Some even go as far as going to native doctors for ‘medicine’ to ensure the death of any success in your life. All this wickedness in just a little town!
Don’t get me wrong, there are some things and people that make me love my hometown, but it just seems that we, especially the men of this town, are known for wickedness. Is it ironic then that we call ourselves “Umu nma?”* I hope that this new generation of people from my hometown can change, that one day I can proudly say that the people I’ve met here are the wonders of my world.

*Umu nma = beautiful children